Posted by rjlockhart04-08 on July 14, 2012, at 22:23:05
In reply to Re: my psychologist. visits the past months » rjlockhart04-08, posted by Shes_Initforthemoney on July 14, 2012, at 12:24:12
Yea jay...im actually in the NA right now...i mean im not in meeting but I go there usaly 4 times a week. The only thing that I have been trying to get through to people is that my own sponser tells me how disorganized my thinking is...like when we talk about things he tells vary much I go in circles....theirs no productivity being made. I've been to many rehabs and usally have to follow along and act like im getting better to get out of them...the last one I went to was 46 days....if I didnt comply and did all the frivilous things they asked me to do...I would have to stay their alot longer..like near 90-120. And of course, I know the saying that I do things my way it just going to slow me down, but the thing is not alot of people know my real problems and tehy usally tell me I have an addiction problem, and then critize me because I can't stably think on the twelve steps...and say im not trying hard enough...when the problem is my mind not absorbing info and doing things an average addict would understand over a period of time. I mean I've gone to many things with NA related people but I have some kind of undiagnosed condition where I can't think clearly and get confused and then anixety and all the rest of these bad things start happening. The worst is the rejection process, and usally that happens with good minded people that get frustated with me. Like this ananolgy...a man gets mad a the grass for not growing in the desert...and then gets mad at his car because its overheated and low on fluids...he puts fluids in and the car doesnt respond to them. He abandons and curses the car....and gives it to someone else and the same thing repeats itself to the next person....its a loose associated analogy but that does descibe my situation.
So yea, really Im just glad you read my posts over the years...i've came to realization too just be 100 percent honest of everything....past post i lied and didnt want to tell people what was going on...thinking I could solve it myself...I seriously want to solve these problems...its just I have no icniative or motivation to move out of my current slow phase in this currently life...its a comfort zone, but its toxic too...
anways, thanks jay...
I am not a scholar but I do understand distress.
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