![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 20 of 20. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by kathy on May 28, 2000, at 23:08:37
I have just been recently divorced and been thinking about suicide every day it isn't even funny. Ihave no one here to care about me and my husband has gone and I have just given up so that is it. I came on line to see how many lorazepam pills I have to take with ethanol to really knock me out. Now isn't that sick. I absolutely have no more hope. I have tried everything. All I have ever wanted was Love.I accidentely found this babble chat area and now see that so many people are thinking about suicide . Iam just scared that it won't work and I'll wake up after many days and find that Iam still here but then it would be worse. I can't do anything. I wish God would help because Iam a good person inside. I hate feeling so desperate and needing someone. You all out say a small prayer for me tomorrow......
Posted by Jeri on May 28, 2000, at 23:18:31
In reply to SUICIDE, posted by kathy on May 28, 2000, at 23:08:37
Please please stop..............Actually I am having marital problems right now and am pretty depressed but I am just waiting for my medicine to start working. NO MAN is worth this..You are a wonderful person...Take it one day at a time and even one second at a time until you get over this feeling. It is going to get better one day for you, please know that and I am praying for you.
Posted by shar on May 28, 2000, at 23:41:03
In reply to SUICIDE, posted by kathy on May 28, 2000, at 23:08:37
Kathy,
I can understand about the trauma of divorce, of the feelings of loneliness, being uncared for. I went through that 2 years ago and it hit really hard, just like you are saying.I think suicidal thoughts (I have them, too) are about getting relief from the pain. But, you make a good point: what if you don't succeed? Then it could be even worse. That idea has occurred to me also.
Right now you are probably overwhelmed with grief, and despair. I encourage you to find some help like counseling, or one of the A's (AA, NA, Wa, CODA) to help you through this time.
You do not need to be alone through this. There are many people on this board who will help you, "sit" with you through the hardest times, share advice or just let you know they care. There are good people here and probably most of them have been where you are now emotionally.
Keep writing us. Write every ten minutes. Every five minutes. You will be so welcome. And if you stop, people will miss you. This is a good, safe place to be.
Tell us more. Shar
> I have just been recently divorced and been thinking about suicide every day it isn't even funny. Ihave no one here to care about me and my husband has gone and I have just given up so that is it. I came on line to see how many lorazepam pills I have to take with ethanol to really knock me out. Now isn't that sick. I absolutely have no more hope. I have tried everything. All I have ever wanted was Love.I accidentely found this babble chat area and now see that so many people are thinking about suicide . Iam just scared that it won't work and I'll wake up after many days and find that Iam still here but then it would be worse. I can't do anything. I wish God would help because Iam a good person inside. I hate feeling so desperate and needing someone. You all out say a small prayer for me tomorrow......
Posted by kathy on May 29, 2000, at 0:00:57
In reply to Re: SUICIDE, posted by Jeri on May 28, 2000, at 23:18:31
Hi jeri and thankyou for caring and replying. The moment I read your reply I started crying because it is the first time that in my loneliness someone whom I absolutely don't know has cared to communicate a word to me. you know my story is long but Iam going to my therapy sessions once a week but this weekened I have just broken down. Iam young and pretty they tell me and I have so much to look forward to, but why is it that my marriage has made me lose my self worth or maybe I always was this weak or else I wouldn't let a MAN break me in to pieces. I don't know how to hang in there. I had totally trusted the fact that my husband is never going to leave knowing that I have no one here. I really wish I had a friend who could relate. I have never been in a chat room before and this feels very weird. I feel as though someone shall recognize me in this chat room but then again who cares. I listen to insperational tapes (tony Robins), I tried meditation, running, working , writting my feelings, exercising,going out,trying to focus on good things but now none of that works anymore when I think of all my belongings and my whole life is being split and nothing hurts more than when a man says he doesn't love y0u anymore. I feel betrayed, abandened, and not loved. My parents don't even care so much because everyone says if I were a good wife then why is he leaving and so on. I have tried to write to stop the suicide attemps but I just can't fight it anymore. you know Iam just tired of trying to be strong. I just want to relax and be weak if I want to without anyone jugding me. You say to take it day by day but a day for me right now is full of lonely thoughts especially that this is a long weekened and it has been hard. Iam really embaressed to even right these feelings. Thank you for praying for me jeri. I need it with all my soul....
Posted by brian on May 29, 2000, at 0:24:39
In reply to SUICIDE, posted by kathy on May 29, 2000, at 0:11:52
> > Hi jeri and thankyou for caring and replying. The moment I read your reply I started crying because it is the first time that in my loneliness someone whom I absolutely don't know has cared to communicate a word to me. you know my story is long but Iam going to my therapy sessions once a week but this weekened I have just broken down. Iam young and pretty they tell me and I have so much to look forward to, but why is it that my marriage has made me lose my self worth or maybe I always was this weak or else I wouldn't let a MAN break me in to pieces. I don't know how to hang in there. I had totally trusted the fact that my husband is never going to leave knowing that I have no one here. I really wish I had a friend who could relate. I have never been in a chat room before and this feels very weird. I feel as though someone shall recognize me in this chat room but then again who cares. I listen to insperational tapes (tony Robins), I tried meditation, running, working , writting my feelings, exercising,going out,trying to focus on good things but now none of that works anymore when I think of all my belongings and my whole life is being split and nothing hurts more than when a man says he doesn't love y0u anymore. I feel betrayed, abandened, and not loved. My parents don't even care so much because everyone says if I were a good wife then why is he leaving and so on. I have tried to write to stop the suicide attemps but I just can't fight it anymore. you know Iam just tired of trying to be strong. I just want to relax and be weak if I want to without anyone jugding me. You say to take it day by day but a day for me right now is full of lonely thoughts especially that this is a long weekened and it has been hard. Iam really embaressed to even right these feelings. Thank you for praying for me jeri. I need it with all my soul....
Then allow yourself to relax. Allow yourself to be weak. You have the right to grieve without adding the pressure of what others think of you. Breaking up is HARD. Nobody (with feelings) that has gone through a breakup would say otherwise.
Be weak for awhile. Indulge yourself in things that make YOU happy. I hate that breakups are hurtful. I'm sorry to hear that you are hurt.
Now I'll tell you the most overstated post breakup piece of advice, which also happens to be one hundred percent TRUE. With time, you'll get better. But be sure to take care of yourself in the meantime. And please make sure that you're around to enjoy that first day you awake, and realize joy in your heart again.
Posted by andrew on May 29, 2000, at 0:38:09
In reply to SUICIDE, posted by kathy on May 29, 2000, at 0:11:52
Kathy,
I read your post and sort of sympathize with you. I am a male, I don't really get what all that is about not letting a MAN do that. So what if a man, woman, dog, raincloud or falling star does it. I mean, we're all just people. Anyway, I know how it can hurt to be rejected.
So many expectations get laid on us in this world, and we want to hang on to something and feel like something is consistent - like today will be like tommorrow. And love and mairrage, we would like to hope, provide some sort of consistency in a world where things change faster than we can possibly be ready for. We are expected to perform at work, at the bank, at school - we seldom get the chance to just be ourselves and be okay with it all. Just because someone turned away from you doesn't mean anything about who you are. If you are young and pretty, maybe that is all he saw - maybe he never looked further. Maybe. I don't know anything about you or why this particular thing came apart.
Hey, I don't have any sage advice. My life has been crushed a bunch of times, too. I felt like you do, way too often. Most folks here would want me to take meds, or at least therapy, but mostly I just get by. There is a lot I want to figure out, that is mostly why I go on. Our lives are short enough anyway, but it seems like each of these little things we get through leaves something in this world that lasts longer than we do. Hang in here with us. You have something somebody needs. I hope you don't punish yourself for hitting bottom, either. Some people call this kind of feeling illness, but its all part of what people are. Cry as long as you like. You'll probably be young and pretty when you get done. Have some fun. Flirt with somebody and tell them no. Shees, here I go giving bad advice!
Posted by Jennifer on May 29, 2000, at 3:28:54
In reply to Re: LIVING, posted by andrew on May 29, 2000, at 0:38:09
Kathy, Do you have a friend that can come over and be with you? Not to talk. Not to question. But just to be there while you sleep? If not, we'll be here watching for you to come back on line. This may sound stupid, but this is as bad as it gets. As you are here, reaching out, you know there are other people that you haven't even met yet, that care for you very much. I have been through hell with plenty of things, but I have to force myself to turn the negatives around. You won't be able to tonight, but you will. As far as your parents, they seem quite inappropriate. Perhaps it would be best to tell them this is a private matter when they ask you. You don't need their input, and only you know the full story. He just doesn't know what he had, and there is a reason he has moved on. Something better is out there for you. There is some reason you are to be here and continue on. God works in mysterious ways...perhaps more mysterious than we would like. Years from now, you will be able to go through anything, you will be strong, because you made it through this! Each time I run into something difficult, I remind myself of that ONE night, and I can get through it, knowing I made it through that! I too will keep you in my prayers tonight. It's 1:30 am here, I don't know where you are. Hopefully somewhere later so that you know you've made it! I'll check in a bit later to see how you're doing. Please write back. Jennifer
Posted by juniper on May 29, 2000, at 3:55:54
In reply to Re: LIVING, posted by Jennifer on May 29, 2000, at 3:28:54
you've got a lot on your plate. i am ultrasensitive to rejection, and in a very small way i can relate to your feelings of your husband leaving. i entered my last relationship tenatively and carefully, making sure that the whole way this guy Knew that the thing that would hurt me most would not be our break-up, but if he ever totally extricated himself from my life. and i thought, perhaps the way that you thought your husband would always be there, that this guy would never cut me out of his life. it is such a sick feeling to have this knowledge, the way you really think things are, and will continue to be, pulled away and you aren't quite sure what should replace it. anyone, even the most emotionally strong and balanced person, would feel hurt under the circumstances. but you've been battling your own demons and now they suddenly have reinforcements. it is good to see that while part of you wants to, you are not giving up. giving up is not allowing yourself to be weak---if you want to collapse on your bed and sob for a few days, perhaps this is what your body is telling you it needs (just make sure you have someone, or something to eventually rouse you out of bed, and your house). i say that you are not giving up because you are taking small steps of acknowledging your feelings, and sharing them (even though you said that it was hard for you to do). your spirit shows through your honest, humble, and compassionate posts----you have many here who care for you and are sending good thoughts and prayers your way. please keep updating us.
-----your husband must have left because you are not a good wife? (!?!????!) this wins the award for the most ignorant, non reality based statement i have heard all week, and perhaps this month.
Posted by JohnL on May 29, 2000, at 6:35:11
In reply to SUICIDE, posted by kathy on May 28, 2000, at 23:08:37
> I have just been recently divorced and been thinking about suicide every day it isn't even funny. Ihave no one here to care about me and my husband has gone and I have just given up so that is it. I came on line to see how many lorazepam pills I have to take with ethanol to really knock me out. Now isn't that sick. I absolutely have no more hope. I have tried everything. All I have ever wanted was Love.I accidentely found this babble chat area and now see that so many people are thinking about suicide . Iam just scared that it won't work and I'll wake up after many days and find that Iam still here but then it would be worse. I can't do anything. I wish God would help because Iam a good person inside. I hate feeling so desperate and needing someone. You all out say a small prayer for me tomorrow......
Kathy,
The one and only thing that ever kept me from suicide was a slight glimmer of HOPE. What a magic word that is. Even if there's just a sliver of it, it's enough to get us through the next hour and the next day. When hope dies, we die...either by suicide or a slow deterioration of the soul.But what is hope? Well, to me it came in many forms. My doctor's appointment next week. That is hope. The idea of stopping my current medication and trying a new one. Hope. Forget meds and try St Johnswort. Hope. Forget St Johnswort and try meds. Hope. An appointment with a counselor. Hope. On and on.
What I found NOT helpful were things like exercise, forcing myself into some activity that was supposed to be fun, things like that. Sure, they passed the time and for a moment distracted me, but they provided no HOPE. That's the key word.
Well, guess what, I have great news for you...you have found HOPE! That's what this website is. Here you will read something that will spark an idea. There is something here from someone that is meant just for you, and in it is HOPE. You have come to the right place, and I'm so glad you're here. Now, we just need to figure out how to fix that depression of yours! :-)
I always think it's silly when people so haphazardly say, "Have a nice day". Instead, I will say to you, "I am wishing you a 'smooth' day." Having a nice day is almost definitely out of reach at this point. But having a SMOOTH day is something we can realistically hope for. There it is again, that magic word.
JohnL
Posted by Jeri on May 29, 2000, at 8:22:34
In reply to Re: LIVING, posted by andrew on May 29, 2000, at 0:38:09
> Kathy,
>
> I read your post and sort of sympathize with you. I am a male, I don't really get what all that is about not letting a MAN do that. So what if a man, woman, dog, raincloud or falling star does it. I mean, we're all just people. Anyway, I know how it can hurt to be rejected.
>
> So many expectations get laid on us in this world, and we want to hang on to something and feel like something is consistent - like today will be like tommorrow. And love and mairrage, we would like to hope, provide some sort of consistency in a world where things change faster than we can possibly be ready for. We are expected to perform at work, at the bank, at school - we seldom get the chance to just be ourselves and be okay with it all. Just because someone turned away from you doesn't mean anything about who you are. If you are young and pretty, maybe that is all he saw - maybe he never looked further. Maybe. I don't know anything about you or why this particular thing came apart.
>
> Hey, I don't have any sage advice. My life has been crushed a bunch of times, too. I felt like you do, way too often. Most folks here would want me to take meds, or at least therapy, but mostly I just get by. There is a lot I want to figure out, that is mostly why I go on. Our lives are short enough anyway, but it seems like each of these little things we get through leaves something in this world that lasts longer than we do. Hang in here with us. You have something somebody needs. I hope you don't punish yourself for hitting bottom, either. Some people call this kind of feeling illness, but its all part of what people are. Cry as long as you like. You'll probably be young and pretty when you get done. Have some fun. Flirt with somebody and tell them no. Shees, here I go giving bad advice!
Sorry Andrew. I didn't mean to "MAN" bash. You are right...I should not have said don't let a man do that to you....I am just going on what's happening in my life right now and men are on the bottom of my "good list" right now. I am sure they won't be forever. I don't want them to be forever.Kathy---Please write us....
Posted by CarolAnn on May 29, 2000, at 9:08:00
In reply to Re: SUICIDE, posted by kathy on May 29, 2000, at 0:00:57
kathy, just by writing to us, you have made friends who understand what you are going through. Please, keep writing, let us know how you are doing as often as you can. If you keep coming to this site, you will see that whenever anyone is in real trouble, we all worry about them. Now we are all worrying about you, and we really need for you to keep in touch.
Now, this advice is from me, specifically: I know it will be hard, but when anyone says to you that your husband left, because you were a bad wife. You say to them (or at least think to yourself),"YOU ARE WRONG, HE LEFT BECAUSE HE WAS A BAD, BAD, HUSBAND!". This is the absolute truth. He was a bad husband! The fact is, a *good* husband (any good person!)would have either stayed to work things out, or would at least have stayed long enough to support you until you were strong enough to face a divorce.
kathy, please stay with us. We do care and we do understand and we do want to help.
Sending you love,
your friend, CarolAnn
Posted by harry b. on May 29, 2000, at 11:34:02
In reply to SUICIDE, posted by kathy on May 28, 2000, at 23:08:37
Kathy- I'm a 49yo man. I found this site a few
months ago after a personal trauma led me as close
to suicide as I've ever been.You say all you ever wanted is Love. Me too. I've
never been married so I can't profess to know
exactly how you feel, but I can empathize.Here's a suggestion, you can dismiss it outright
but I hope you'll consider it before causing your-
self harm. Self-admit yourself to a hospital. Call
your therapist and get his opinion on which hospital
is best. Ideally, one devoted soley to mental health/
behavioral treatment. I speak from experience. I
self-admitted twice this year. The hospital was a
very safe, very supportive place for me to be at
the time. If you have any specific questions about
this, please ask.I'm glad you found this board. As you've already
experienced, there are many people here who are
concerned and supportive.
Posted by shar on May 29, 2000, at 14:01:27
In reply to Re: SUICIDE-not today, posted by JohnL on May 29, 2000, at 6:35:11
John L:
Thank you for your treatise on hope. It gave me goosebumps. I always thought hope was something accompanied by the "Halleujah Chorus" that changed one in to a "normal" person again. Tadaaaa--Introducing the new, improved Shar, who has hope, is nice, and will be allowed to live among real people again.I've been hopeless. Hopelessness was something I held on to because it was really how I felt, and the so-and-so people around me drowned me in Pollyanna bullcrap, just look on the bright side, every cloud has a silver lining, you don't really feel that way, turn that frown upside down, it takes more muscles to frown than to smile, just look at X population who doesn't have enough to eat--you're better off than they are, don't you have any pride, and so on.
Hope was an idea of sickly sweet, unrealistic, and just plain wrong feelings, that to have hope meant to give up hopelessness (deny my feelings, my depression, myself).
But, now I have another perspective that will allow me to be hopeful and hopeless (if that's what I feel at the moment). Thanks! I don't have to abandon myself to feel hope.
It might even be nice to feel a little hope. Big sigh. What a relief.
S
Posted by Tina1 on May 29, 2000, at 14:03:53
In reply to Re: SUICIDE, posted by harry b. on May 29, 2000, at 11:34:02
Hey Kath; YOU JUMP---I JUMP!!!! Keep that in your thoughts. I'll listen to anything you have to say, anytime of the day. Keep talking.
>
> Kathy- I'm a 49yo man. I found this site a few
> months ago after a personal trauma led me as close
> to suicide as I've ever been.
>
> You say all you ever wanted is Love. Me too. I've
> never been married so I can't profess to know
> exactly how you feel, but I can empathize.
>
> Here's a suggestion, you can dismiss it outright
> but I hope you'll consider it before causing your-
> self harm. Self-admit yourself to a hospital. Call
> your therapist and get his opinion on which hospital
> is best. Ideally, one devoted soley to mental health/
> behavioral treatment. I speak from experience. I
> self-admitted twice this year. The hospital was a
> very safe, very supportive place for me to be at
> the time. If you have any specific questions about
> this, please ask.
>
> I'm glad you found this board. As you've already
> experienced, there are many people here who are
> concerned and supportive.
>
>
Posted by Todd on May 29, 2000, at 18:27:13
In reply to SUICIDE, posted by kathy on May 28, 2000, at 23:08:37
Look at all the responses to your posts, Kathy. All you ever wanted was love, and it looks to me like you're getting an ocean of it. WE love you, Kathy. Do you find that hard to believe? I have never seen you, you have never cooked me dinner, we don't work together, and you're not on my Christmas card list. Do I know you? Most definitely. You are beautiful, and I am talking about inner beauty. Your essence flows through your words, Kathy. I know you because I know myself. I see myself reflected in your posts, and want to reach out to you. We all want to, Kathy, because we have been there in different ways. We know a lot more about real love than most folks. I think M. Scott Peck defined REAL love the best in "The Road Less Traveled" - "The will to extend one's self for the purpose of nurturing one's own or another's spiritual growth." It doesn't get any more beautiful than that - we help you to heal and grow, and in the process we help ourselves to heal and grow.
Please, Kathy, stop thinking that you aren't good enough. Your husband didn't run away because you weren't good enough, he ran away because he couldn't handle anyone knowing him so intimately. Basically, he wimped out. He has no idea what it is like to truly love someone and to be truly loved in return. You think he ran away from you; in reality, he ran away from himself. Real love involves real intimacy and he just wasn't up to the task. His depths were too frightening for him to confront. I know that leaves you alone and swimming in your own depths, Kathy, but that's exactly where you need to be. You wouldn't have let yourself go there if you weren't strong enough to swim. You are SO much better off without him. This is not your failure, Kathy, it's the beginning of your triumph.
You said you wish God would help because you are a good person inside. I heard echoes of myself crying out the same thing during my last breakup. The pain so much to take, and I know that it seems like God is so far away from you right now. Feeling alone, SO desperately alone SUCKS. But I had to learn all over again that God is not a punishing God or a distant God. He is right here, all around us. God gives us precisely what we need for our own growth and healing, every minute of every day. It's no fun when we get thrown such a grueling pop quiz, but God is smiling right now, knowing that you have what it takes to ace this one. Years from now, or maybe even much sooner than that, you will look back and say it was all worth it.
You have an amazing opportunity to really find the treasure that is inside you, Kathy. LOVE yourself. Be gentle with yourself. Look within, but don't be critical of yourself. Validate your feelings. Spoil yourself and do what YOU want to do, when you're ready to do it. If you feel like crying, do it. A good cry can be so cleansing and feel so sweet as much as it hurts. Above all, be PATIENT with yourself. This is a big one to tackle, and real, lasting healing takes time. (I still have to remind myself of that one.) We are all pulling for you, Kathy.
Peace and Love.
Posted by Kath on May 30, 2000, at 10:05:53
In reply to Re: SUICIDE-not today, posted by JohnL on May 29, 2000, at 6:35:11
Kathy - I'm praying for you. I've been through a divorce where my ex-husband said he didn't love me anymore, was having affairs, said I looked older than him & wanted me to have cosmetic surgery, said I didn't have anything interesting to say...etc. I was devastated. But I did drag myself from minute to minute; from day to day; and you WILL feel better. Now, 10 years later, I am very removed from that terrible pain.
ALSO - I have been going to a CoDA (Co-Dependents Anonymous) group for 10 weeks and it's the best thing that has ever happened to me. What a wonderful place to feel TOTALLY accepted & loved for BEING ME - just the way I am!! If you're interested, your local Mental Health Dept would probably give you a phone number for it.
I continue to send you warm thoughts & care about you. Please take care of yourself. You're worth it!
Love, Kath
Posted by Noa on May 30, 2000, at 14:20:32
In reply to Re: SUICIDE - to Kathy, posted by Kath on May 30, 2000, at 10:05:53
Kathy,
I was away from computers most of the weekend, so I come to this discussion late. I was working my way up from the bottom of the web site, so, please forgive the ignorance inherent in my response to threads later on this page--I did not know you were suicidal, or in therapy, etc.
I agree with Harry. You are right, Kathy, about not wanting to have to be strong right now. You need support and safety, so you can let go a bit, within the safety of the hospital environment. You are really in a scary place right now, with such active suicidal thinking, and such despair. The hospital would be a good strategy just until you can be in a more stable safer state of mind.
Please, call your therapist right away, and if you cannot reach him or her, go to the emergency room.
Depression can be such a powerful thing, invading the way we think. Right now, you are so bereft that your ability to see yourself through all of this is constricted, not as flexible as your normal thinking ability is. That is why putting yourself in the hands of others to keep yourself safe is a good strategy.
I speak from my own experience. I have been in that suicidal despair many times. I am glad to still be here now, glad that I did not go the route of suicide. But I needed others to help me through it.
Posted by Noa on May 30, 2000, at 14:23:03
In reply to Re: SUICIDE - to Kathy, posted by Kath on May 30, 2000, at 10:05:53
The idea that you deserved the trauma of your husband leaving is incredibly absurd. How dare people say such things to you. How cruel to blame the victim. How insensitive they are to kick you when you are down.
Posted by Archangel on June 1, 2000, at 17:46:05
In reply to SUICIDE, posted by kathy on May 28, 2000, at 23:08:37
Kathy,
Today's the first day I've been able to get online in several days. I'm sorry I wasn't here to see your post on the 28th. Please, do **NOT** implement a permanent solution for a temporary problem!! Kathy, I was once suicidal, too. Like you, I worried that I wouldn't do a good enough job and end up maimed instead. I can't say that I know what you're going through. I dont, but I *DO* know that suicide is not a solution. It doesn't solve anything. Please take a moment to go to this site. Please read the entire page.
http://www.metanoia.org/suicide/
I found that page when I was in the depths of my depression. I sobbed and cried while I read it, because I finally realized that there are people out there who understand me. Kathy, please let us know how you are doing. You're in my prayers.
Warmest regards,
Michael
> I have just been recently divorced and been thinking about suicide every day it isn't even funny. Ihave no one here to care about me and my husband has gone and I have just given up so that is it. I came on line to see how many lorazepam pills I have to take with ethanol to really knock me out. Now isn't that sick. I absolutely have no more hope. I have tried everything. All I have ever wanted was Love.I accidentely found this babble chat area and now see that so many people are thinking about suicide . Iam just scared that it won't work and I'll wake up after many days and find that Iam still here but then it would be worse. I can't do anything. I wish God would help because Iam a good person inside. I hate feeling so desperate and needing someone. You all out say a small prayer for me tomorrow......
Posted by kady on June 2, 2000, at 14:10:47
In reply to Re: SUICIDE, posted by Archangel on June 1, 2000, at 17:46:05
>One thing not mentioned in all these beautiful responses...Kathy, you said it was your parents who made that hideous statement. I will reflect based on my own personal experience. I got left, as did my 7 and 8 year old boys. If that wasn't sad enough, he left us for a co worker he had brought into our home and I had befriended. If that wasn't enough, she was 12 years younger than I and I found evidence of their fooling around in MY house while my children were there and I was in a class!!! Think that was horrible, he left after 19 years of marriage! In my reaches to resolve and deal, what kept me alive were my kids. Afterall if I was gone who would raise them? A butt and his hole!(Sorry for the crudity)I actually found much comfort at AL-ANON. It was my sister's suggeston. My problems were not based on anyone's alcohol usage and yet there were plenty of people in my life that had abused, so I didn't feel I was there on false pretenses. Anyway, back to your parents. With a statement like that from people who are supposed to love you with all their might is troubling. A man at one of my meetings made the comment, "you go into what you come out of". It took a lot of reflection, sadness, anger, etc. In the end I realized that I had married a man much like my mother. Demanding, expectations set too high, always critical, quick to point out my faults especially my "bad" looks.(I would give anything to look like I did then now)It was emotional abuse and I could never please her. She even wished I "was more mature like Ann down the street". Dad traveled a lot on business trips and I adored him, still do. He relied on her to take care of us and respected and believed her feedback. I had no support in this family. The husband worked the same way. It was an attempt to try and please someone that could never be pleased. To work out and stay in shape for one who was supposed to love me with all his heart. When he said jump, I said how high. (Yes this IS psychbabble) Kathy, when you get through the grief, which is the sadness you feel, you will try and put the puzzle together and just maybe come up with a similar explanation for yourself. Maybe not, but something in your note rung a bell, the hairs went up on my arms and it wasn't the word suicide that got my attention. It was your parent's comment. Hindsight they say is 20/20 and I have found that to be absolutely true. I had a financial counselor who did not know me from Eve, when I inquired about the liquidity of my money she knew something was up. I went to see her. She was a few years younger than myself and had already been fighting breast cancer for 2 years. I listened to her as I knew that experience gave her a whole different perspective on life than I had. Her words ring in my ears today as she passed away a few months ago after battling this disease for 9 years, "if a man tells you he doesn't love you, look him straight in the eye and tell him to pack his shit and get hell on out the door, life is too short for that." You will find love Kathy, but find yourself first and put the pieces together. Understand the sadness is grief over something you have lost, as if someone had died. It is a loss. Then get mad as hell, then read and write to us and join one of those groups. Understand you are not the only one this has happened to. My theory was for myself that I was actually as sick as my ex for having put up with that treatment for so long. Now, I am much better. A Dr prescribed an occasional Xanax, only 2 refills a year, the rest came as inner calm when I realized if I could handle that, I could handle anything. I guess it's true,"what doesn't kill us makes us stronger", and "God never gives us more than we can handle.".
Hang in. Write
This is the end of the thread.
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