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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 6 of 6. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Racer on March 24, 2004, at 20:32:48
OK, today I'm just wondering why it's so important to keep trying. Can anyone tell me any reason to keep banging my head against the wall this way, when I don't seem to get better, and even when I get some relief it's so temporary? I'm so afraid of ending up this bad, with no way out. Can anyone tell me why I need to keep trying?
If you go to a bakery every day, trying to buy a loaf of bread, and they never have any bread, but you keep going anyway, wouldn't that be absurd? That's how I'm feeling. Even if the good doctor manages to find a drug that works for me, it's going to make me fat, my husband will use that as an excuse to reject me some more, and I'll have all the rest of the side effects that go with these damn drugs -- and then it'll stop working, anyway, and I'll be right back here where I started from. Why do I want to do that?
Plain statement: the only reason I'm here right now is that I don't know of an easy way not to be.
Posted by shar on March 24, 2004, at 21:28:57
In reply to Tell me again...?, posted by Racer on March 24, 2004, at 20:32:48
Has anybody found a reason to go on?
Small children and pets seem to be most common.
Shar
Posted by allisonm on March 25, 2004, at 12:44:34
In reply to I'm listening, too, posted by shar on March 24, 2004, at 21:28:57
Hmmm...
You're asking tough questions...
I have found that I carried on even when I didn't want to be here for several reasons.
- as Shar said, for my cats, for my friends
- as Racer said, because I didn't have a good exit strategy
- but also because I guess I still held out some hope that someday something would change and things would get better.Over time, I held onto my cats and my friends for strength as I waited and waited and waited. Eventually, my life changed (or better put, I changed my life) and my pdoc and I were able to find a cocktail after 5 years that finally gave some relief.
I know it's hard. There were many times in the past when I didn't want to be here either. You have heard the pep talks from others and you both have given pep talks to people like me. I don't want to lecture or sound like a broken record.
Please try to remember that as time goes by, situations change, and you can change situations. Eventually, things can fall into place and the world isn't such a crappy place afterall. I know you hate it here right now, but please don't give up.
Allison
Posted by coral on March 25, 2004, at 16:07:09
In reply to Tell me again...?, posted by Racer on March 24, 2004, at 20:32:48
:::screeech, screech:::: as Alison said.... broken record warning!
With a hearty slap on the back, "Hey, if I can do it, anyone can!" said the person who is so rightly decked shortly after uttering these words.
IF someone could've told me there would NEVER be any improvement and my life as I was experiencing it (in hell with cellar demons gnawing on my soul), I would've bailed. (I'd figured out 187 ways.) However, no one could tell me that which left the alternative -- it could get better.
As far as your relationship w/your husband, in the last stages of my hell, my husband and I separated and papers had been filed for divorce. We were apart for a year.
Racer, you've heard all my agonies -- 11 docs, too many meds to count... incompetence upon inconsideration... until that magic moment, right doc, right therapist, right meds.
One reason to go on is that no one can tell you that it won't/can't get any better.
Today, life is worth living. I'm ecstatic w/my Wonderful Husband, work is meaningful, the cats are as onery as ever. A dear friend who has severe bouts of depression is also a gardener. In her depths, she plants something and says planting a seed or bulb is hope.
End of broken record....
Coral
Posted by shar on March 25, 2004, at 17:38:20
In reply to Re: I'm listening, too, posted by allisonm on March 25, 2004, at 12:44:34
Thank you for your response. It IS true that things can change, even a little shift can make a big difference, I've learned.
I appreciate you taking the time to respond.
xoxo
Shar
Posted by allisonm on March 25, 2004, at 22:25:50
In reply to Re: I'm listening, too » allisonm, posted by shar on March 25, 2004, at 17:38:20
Shar,
I know it's really hard right now. I feel badly that you and Racer are suffering. I am sending positive thoughts that little shifts come your way soon.
With love,
a
This is the end of the thread.
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