Posted by zenhussy on September 11, 2006, at 5:22:34
In reply to (she was a) hotel detective..., posted by zenhussy on September 9, 2006, at 20:36:31
Gone people all awkward with their things (lyric from Jack Johnson song....unsure of album or song title)
If only the people would go. If only there were peace inside. If only this chaos could be quieted. If only doesn’t solve anything. In only makes reality more painful to wonder all the non possibilities.
Instead of focusing on the negatives trying to find positives when this confused and mixed up and downright freaked out.
Chat with strangers? No way. This is too much for strangers. This is too much for me. This is more than I can handle. If I can’t handle this then how could anyone else possibly be able to?
Not thinking clearly. Not reasoning well. When this is how it gets or what it get to then it is time to take measures to gain assistance out of this space. Out of this stuck-ed-ness.
Could write a list a mile long about all that hasn’t gotten done. All that has been started and left hanging along the way. All those mysterious projects around that aren’t readily recognizable…to me that is. Last one in on the joke. The joke’s on me. I am the joke.
Hahahah. Funny stuff to see one’s own mind unravel and twist about trying to make sense of the nonsensical. Living alone is good. Living so far from everything is not so good. First time stuck this long out here. Total inability to start vehicle. Loaded up and ready to go but the neurons needed to fire the message from the brain to hand to turn the key just ain’t happening. Pfffftttzzzzzttt!
Even sitting long enough to get this out in uncomfortable. Can choices be made to override what is happening? Or is this just the cycle of things and ride it out? Stop fighting the river and BE the river. Be of the current. Struggle less, be more.
Be more what? Sane? Balanced? In control? In control of what? What needs controlling so badly? What is control? The ability to shut down certain things/thoughts/pieces/parts? Does this help? At times yes. Overall? No.
To deny is natural given the mindset of the predominant thinker. Scientific explanation is needed before much thought is given to alternatives. Faith is something easily given to the circumstances of others. To apply that faith to our own life would mean suspending our disbelief long enough to possibly believe. How is this believable?
Books written. Movies with either whacked out portrayals or criminal minds that have split and gone haywire. Where’s the hope in that? Where is the hope for those who aren’t Sally Field's Sybil or John Cusack’s character or Johnny Depp’s or Tim Robbins’ or name another murdering psycho with identity issues from mass Hollywood machines.
These images do not help. These mistaken beliefs are sad to us as we question why Law & Order has mental illness as a component of a majority of their crimes…especially their SVU spin off. Nothing more titillating than watching children raped and child porn rings and mental illness all tidied up into a 42 minute hour. This is entertainment people. This is what folks find to relax to. This is what we put into the subconscious of the masses. And we wonder why we are so terrified to be ourselves with those masses?
Nothing like a few fingers pointing, a few jokes at your expense, and those scars can go so deep as to prevent venturing forth again. The scar tissue may have grown over the healthy tendons and ligaments limiting their ability to freely move and do what was genetically programmed. That’s right……….even though split there is DNA in all of us that has genetic imperatives to life cycle through. That means that my denying the others is stifling my own DNA…..shared with them………and hampering my own ability to heal.
I’m the one in the way. I’m the one who is holding all this up. This is a stick up! Feels about like being robbed….…robbed of one’s life, one’s memories, one’s way of being…………so many things gone.
When does the time come when I get to list all the things that COME with this? When do I get to get to be grateful for this way of being? Instead of hating that I’m some sideshow circus freak for not being in control always and for being stupid enough to trust outside people with the whole truth of how it REALLY is inside.
Can that hatred be stopped? Will the violent thoughts go away? Will there be any semblance of harmony? Any possibility of balance and. And …. went away.
Over. Too much as it is. Going to print now.
© August 2006--name not used for privacy reasons and no typo check before typing this in here this morning. meh!
poster:zenhussy
thread:684263
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/write/20060722/msgs/684944.html