Posted by susan47 on August 7, 2006, at 23:29:30
In reply to Popcorn, Wine, The Couch, and A Movie, posted by Joan797 on August 7, 2006, at 22:57:58
> My nightly routine in which I avoid all physical contact from my husband by pretending to be deeply involved so I don't have to go to the bedroom.
>
I used to go to bed earlier than him and pretend to be asleep. It's a terrible way to feel about the man you pledged to live your life with. It's not right. It's a violation of your true self every time you allow him to have sex with your body, and soon that's all it is. Because love is not about sex, love is not about validating DH. Love is about him knowing how to build your trust in him. My DH never knew or cared how to do that. His efforts all came from superficialities which he'd been taught and he just didn't want to see anything else. I was always a stranger to him. Always. And it was always, always always, somehow, my deficiency, my fault which caused this rift in our relationship.
So I grew to hate him.
Rightfully so.
Unfortunately.
And having sex with him,
made me sick, every single time I would
get physical symptoms, my body talking back to me,
now isn't that sick? That's sick.
My body rebelling.
Hurting and oozing in ways that it shouldn't.
Because there was no trust.
His love, Joan, was a needy love.
It was my job to validate him.
As a man.
And soon, that man made me sick.
poster:susan47
thread:674714
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/write/20060722/msgs/674722.html