Posted by Estella on May 6, 2006, at 23:55:24
it works out for some people
the people who can let the sh*t roll off
the people who were loved
to some extent... to some extent
the people who were able to internalise something of that
to some extent
but sometimes life just doesn't work out
internalisation does not occur
there is a failure
Le Doux talks about how wiring...
doesn't change
phobias are resistent to extinction
and once extinguished
change the context back to where the conditioning occured
change the context so that there is environmental stress
and what do you know?
spontaneous recovery
which sounds like a good thing
but it is not
spontaneous recovery of phobia
of conditioned responses
i'd rather be labile
psychomotor retarded
than have spontaneous recovery
of my f*cked up responses
they never do go away
that is the point
they never do go away
just go into remission when times are good
but times are not good
and there is nothing to be done
you know you have to be in a reasonable place
in order to accept the support that is offered
why?
because it is never enough
to turn back time
it is never enough
but when one is in a reasonably good place
it can go some way
can go some way
and the trouble is that when one is in a bad place
one is selfish
so totally absorbed on ones own hurts
and even the altruism that is offered
(as must be if one is to be considered worthy of love)
even the altruism that is offered
is egotistical
as it must be
because it is there in the effort to
become worthyi'm not worthy
did the altruistic thing for a while
and that was helping that was
but change the context
not fit for human company
others must be protected from me
and what do you know
spontaneous recoveryi know i'm not fit
you don't need to block me for that
but it isn't even about showing me i'm not fit
it is about showing others i'm not fit
showing them not to listen to me
because there is something wrong with what i'm saying
i get blcoked so others know not to take me seriously not to listen to me
they are entitled to be upset with me
validation of that
that is what it is
and of course the boards run smoother without me
or somethingor without part of me
oh if only you could pick and choose
if only you could
pick the bits you like
and kill the bits you don't
trouble iwth that is that you are liable to kill the bits you wanted to keep
as you did
oh well done
well done indeedsometimes i wish i could do that
pick and choose
pick and choose
but it isn't that easy
it isn't that simple
and however you look at it
here is not the place
here is not the place for me
and there it iswhy is it that you think i've been going on about small boards?
to stop this happening
to f*cking stop this happening
to work on getting me back together
but when you try and kill of the bits you don't like
well
what do you expecthere is not the place
it makes me worseit makes me worse.
poster:Estella
thread:640827
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/write/20060331/msgs/640827.html