Posted by zeugma on October 26, 2005, at 17:26:34
In reply to Re: I tried......and failed miserably - as usual :-( » zeugma, posted by Damos on October 16, 2005, at 19:33:40
Hi damos,I hope you don't take my dilatory responses as anything other than a reflection of my sloth.
I take your words most seriously.
>
> Dreams, something else Efexor seems to have stolen from me. I think I know what you mean though, I've had a couple of sleep paralysis incidents where there was something else there and some other terrible hallucinations with snakes and spiders and other 'things' that have left me spooked for days (nights). They are no fun, no fun at all. When you come to and you're actually standing in the middle of the bed and the bed clothes, pillows etc are strewn around the room and you're completely terrified, or lying on the floor having physically thrown yourself out of bed trying to get away, you get the feeling things are more than a little odd. But fortunately or sadly depending on your point of view since coming off Efexor I don't seem to dream anymore. Seem to have had an almost complete creativity by-pass.>Everything has a plus and a minus, it seems. I am ill with the drugs I take to function (I mean that literally... right now there is a bit of a doctors' squabble over my situation, and i naturally side with the more conservative view, i.e. i am not willing to f*ck with my basic health for the sake of functioning. but then again, i am. hopefully this will clarify itself soon.) I think like all things that are the product of our wonderful/vile culture, they are more powerful than those who control them (here I am thinking of psychiatrists) think. Those of us who take them learn that, usually the hard way :-(
>
>
> Usually with the Dysthymia it's just a long slow slide into the abyss for me with varying levels of disconnectedness. But sometimes, sometimes it's like someone sneaks in while I'm asleep and sucks all that is me out of my body and just leaves an empty shell. A thing that can't think, can't feel, but continues to apparently function in the world. It's those times that I grasp the threads of what others mean to me and hold on to them with all I'm worth. Hoping that just holding on will somehow pull me back to life.
>i was in that state prior to taking medication. i am in a somewhat different, but dangerous, spot having taken the actions that were necessary to survive (i.e. i do not regret taking meds... but... whatever the source of my current health problems, it is quite likely the meds are implicated somehow. i see the dr. this week, so hopefully i will get some answers.)
> I kind of get what you mean about Venus, and yeah I feel meaning and the sense of meaning slipping away at times but I try so hard to remember that just like Venus, just because I can't see it doesn't mean it isn't there. Even more sadly sometimes I don't see the meaning of things and people until it's too late and that makes me sad. People need to know they have meaning to others. Like the time and care you take in your responses to Alex has meaning to me. The fact that you come down to my level to talk with me means more than you know.
>
the thought about Venus is actually one that has a lot of personal significance for me. shelley writes about it in "to a Skylark." i am not coming down to your level. i am struggling to keep up with you.> Sometimes I worry that we are looking so hard for specific meaning, that we actually miss so much other meaning that is flowing around us. I worry about that.
>
my own, personal concern. but i do not think alexandra misses much meaning. i don't think you do either.-z
poster:zeugma
thread:561840
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/write/20051022/msgs/572176.html