Posted by kerria on September 5, 2005, at 15:57:07
Last week or maybe the week before T asked "Who's here?" and she was there. As soon as she said "P." i knew her history, some of it was a part of me and i felt her feelings- really sad and abandoned and in love with John Keats poetry and doing nature art. i didn't want this to happen . i'm so depressed and i think i'm way too depressed to try to do the art class that i registered for- in ANOTHER STATE, How will i drive two hours to this garden and back another two hours when the class is only an hour and a half long?
"i want to see the gardens afterwards."
i want to read "Ode to a Nightingale" and "Ode on Melancholy" and all my favorite verses to think about... "'When i have fears that i may Cease to be" "Beauty is truth, truth beauty,..." "to focus on beautiful things- the most beautiful things on earth."
It worries me, everything worries - it doesn't make sense- if my H found out that i was wasting all this gas every week to draw and paint flowers and plants in this garden so far away he would be so mad. i feel way too depressed to go anywhere. We almost made a final desicion a few days ago- and T didn't call me when i called for help.
Help. ! it's all because i went to therapy- now i'm back in this place again- it never works out for P. She is not happy to see what real life is like (understatement). And i work on Mondays.But next week and for nine mondays afterwards we will do the things that she wants to do because she came. i wonder how long she will stay.
(i didn't know where else to put this- there isn't a place for this, relationships with alters). i'm so worried that she will get us in trouble- in the past- it's been ten years or so since i felt her and became her- she brings a lot of depression and pain and leaves me in an unsafe place.
kerria
poster:kerria
thread:550947
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/write/20050807/msgs/550947.html