Posted by sunny10 on May 6, 2005, at 14:25:25
In reply to ((((((((Sunny))))))))), posted by PM80 on May 6, 2005, at 13:21:41
there are a couple of reasons that I want to TRY to work this relationship out.
First is that HE is as much a victim of the feelings that he has inside as I am. He has fallen into the trap of self-medicating- that's the only difference.
If therapy can help ME to deal with my feelings, it can help him IF HE'S WILLING TO DO IT. I know that I can't do it for him. HE has to play ball this time- has to become accountable.
I am going to anger management training, too- for me it's for the reasons you mentioned. I have always been afraid of conflict of any kind and bury it (or run from it- often). I need to become assertive without becoming offensive. I need to learn to make boundaries that, as you say, ARE actually boundaries.
It takes two to tango; and yes, things did escalate, but I should have been more firm and told him the first time he deceived me that he would either go to therapy or we were through.
I let things escalate. But I promise you that I will not stay with him unless he at least has an appointment with the therapist within fifteen days of moving into his "own place".
I will never take the "victim stance" and say that it was my fault that he physically hurt me. But I was not exactly a strong component in this relationship, either, and I NEED to prove to myself that I am capable of not running away from my problems, for once.
Does that make sense?
poster:sunny10
thread:494515
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/write/20050419/msgs/494589.html