Posted by tankgirl on November 21, 2004, at 0:26:16
In reply to Re: Xanax Addiction » tankgirl, posted by jujube on November 20, 2004, at 18:31:00
I'm horrible.. youre all right, i need to check into some kind of rehab center.. youll be positive if you werent already after you read this...
I'm 22.. and i did TONS of partying in college out in orlando, you name it, i tried it. I even used (brand new, sterile, still in the package) a needle before with the heroin thing..
Anyways that was all about 2 1/2 years ago.. i quit all that crap and was OH so proud of myself!! not gloating or anything, but it is something to be proud of definitely..
THE KICKER: so, as i said in the post i left earlier today.. well, technically yesterday since its 12:54 on the east coast of USA here.. anyways
THIS MORNING I TOOK 10MG of Xanax at once. (im only prescribed 6 1mg pills per day, to be taken every 3 hours). Then when that wore off, i went and bought the deamon Oxycontin.. but since Id just re-tried it for the first time in years only the day before yesterday, it didnt hit me half as hard!! I wasnt slurring as much.. although i still loved every second of it.
ok REALLY, THIS is THE KICKER:
Not even 10 minutes ago I bought 2 grams of cocaine and did it up all at once. its pretty cheap and weak stuff, but since i did so much im typing at 1000 miles per hour. sorry if there's any flagrant typing errors.. although i seem to type much better on this stuff. And, on coke, I RULE at that Donky Conga game (with the bongos for controllers, its like dance dance revolution except with drums, for lazy people like me..)
This is the problem.. I know i have a problem with Xanax, and I have to stop that, but right now im facing 3 drugs much more dangerous! Heroin (in unregulated doses), Oxycontin (measured doses, so i know just how much i took, which is why i prefer that to the H) and when that wore off, Cocaine (which wont be a problem, i only do coke if its free, usually, (and being a decent looking girl, with black, purple, and blue hair, and lets just say a lot of assets.. up top.. its easy for me to get it for free) and tonight i actually paid for it, since i only knew of one place to get it from.
damnit i keep saying it.. but HERE IT IS
THE REAL KICKER:
before I even deal with the xanax problem - which i think i can do without a treatment center, just having my boyfriend and roommate (my roommate has offered to hold my pills and ONLY give me the 1mg of xanax if im having panic symptoms.. cause ive gotten by on only 2 pills a day at times) and I KNOW I can do it. Plus, i have all of your support, you wonderful people on psycho babble =)The KICKER IS...... that now i have these other drugs, particularly oxycontin that I have to stay away from. My boyfriend is totally supportive, HATES it when i do hard narcotics like Oxycontin, and while he is slightly psychologically dependent on xanax too, i know that we can both get off of it by tapering, having my roomie hold the pills and all (he never takes any drugs, not even ASPERIN! which is a good influence on me.. and hes not one to judge me just because I have a substance problem either, i love my roomie to death!!)
OK, I cant even keep a straight thought for long so ill just ask the question i started posting to ask:
I've only done Oxycontin twice in the past 3 days and coke once(RIGHT now), I KNOW im not physically dependent on them yet.. should i just stop doing them all together, and use my plan to taper myself off of the xanax? and im not completely intent on doing it myself, its just that id rather not have my doctor know that im doing it, i want to just go into his office and say "I tapered myself off of the xanax over a 3-6 month period!" (I am lucky to have a roommate that will hold my pills for me, not take them for himself, and really ration me into taking them AS PRESCRIBED and then very VERY slowly tapering down) and i know he (my doc)would be proud.. considering he wants to give me even more xanax (which i know would be a bad idea.. being an abuser.. hey, they say the first step is admitting it, right? What is the second step?
-wired and confused
TG
poster:tankgirl
thread:416930
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/subs/20041013/msgs/418492.html