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Xanax Addiction

Posted by tankgirl on November 17, 2004, at 2:29:56

I noticed a thread similar to this one, but it's very old..

I'm a new poster, but I've been silently watching for months. (I discovered this site right before my power went out in one of those wonderful florida hurricanes)

I'm addicted to Xanax. My doctor currently has me taking 6mg a day. I've been on and off of all sorts of Anti-deppressants or Anti-anxiety meds since I was 15 (I'm 22 now) I was prescribed klonopin when i was in college for what my Pdoc called "Severe Anxiety Disorder" at age 19. At first I took it as prescribed, then about a month later, I got involved with a boyfriend who abused his Klonopin prescription. The first pill I took (before the abuse problem began) was a .05mg. I knew there was something in that little pill that I loved, because I laid down on the floor in my apartment and was perfectly content to be doing just that. Anyways.. since my boyfriend was abusing the med. and I saw how high he was, I tried it. I took 3 of the .05mg klonopins. Wow! It was so great. I started running out of my prescription early EVERY month, so my boyfriend and I found a way to get more, one way or another. Eventually my prescribed dose did nothing.

Now, I'm 22. I've been switched to Xanax XR, slowly begging for a higher dose until I reached the most my Pdoc would give me.. 3mg two times a day, which I crushed up and snorted or just took handfuls of. After that stopped getting me high, I requested regular xanax, as opposed to the XR formula, which honestly, even if I took it as prescribed, would never really last as long as it was supposed to. My Pdoc understood, as he heard the same complaint from a lot of his patients.

Now I'm currently prescribed 6 pills a day of 1mg Xanax. I dont snort them, since they arent time-released, but I take 12 pills at once every other day.. and then some! Sometimes I will go through my entire bottle of 1mg xanax (which is 180 pills in a 30 day supply) in just under a week! This is getting horribly out of hand. I'm with a different man, and happily engaged, but I'm afraid I've gotten him addicted to it also. He saw how high I was after popping 12-20mg at a time, so he begged me to try it.. I gave him 3mg and he blacked out. He behaved normally, but forgot moment to moment things during the blackout.. I too used to black out when taking my massive 20mg binges.. but now not even that does the trick. I'm still searching for that high. Now, I find myself out of pills after the first week I've gotten my script, and I'm buying the 2mg xanax bars off the street, just to live through the next few weeks without ripping someones head off.

This is horrible.

One time after using all my prescription up in a little over a week *which is actually good, since I'm now sharing my prescription with my fiance* I had to go 4 days with NO xanax. First I was just irritable. VERY irritable. Then I found myself in constant panic, with my hands trembling. Finally on the fourth day, my vision was altered. It was like i was seeing tiny clear zeros or bugs crawling all over the sky, the road, whatever I was looking at. This happens whenever I go that 4 days without xanax, and its happened more than once. So many times, actually, that I'm ashamed, and this is the first time I've confessed.

Now, if I have to go without xanax for more than 2 days, I just lie in bed and wait for someone to call and offer it to me illegally, or call my Pdoc and say I've lost my prescription (I've done that twice this year).. I've gone as far as asking my mother for money and using it for street bought xanax. I've gotten valium and klonopin when it was availible and I couldnt find xanax.. but theyre not quite the same.

Without xanax in my system, I feel a huge hole inside me that is empty, like a part of me is missing. Colors are not as bright, sounds and music are annoying rather than pleasing like usual.. and I just turn into a total witch!

I don't know what to do. I don't want to go back to life without xanax, but if I dont take at least 12mg in a day, I don't feel like myself AT ALL.

No one notices. I told in an old friend once, (this friend has taken 2 or 3 mg of xanax at a time to get high, but not very often) at my last birthday party, that I was on 20mg of xanax at that very moment (taken an hour and a half before) and he said he had NO idea, that I seemed so normal and happy.. and thats just it, thats how i felt. Not a care in the world, good ol Tank Girl like usual. Nothing could break my shell.

Help. I think if I stayed off of xanax for more than 3 or 4 days I would go into a seizure or something. That, and my random panic attacks (that are so bad, they feel like out-of-body experiences!) will return with full force. I already get them enough when I decide to take a day off (which I do every once in awhile to try and keep my tolerance down).

Am I the only one?
Tank Girl's armor is starting to crack..

Thank you to anyone that had the patience to read this whole post.. but I thought it was about time I introduced myself, and I had to tell someone, I can't hold it anymore..

*jittering in my seat* - my prescription gets filled tomorrow. Well, its 3:30am, so today technically.

- hurting..
TG


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poster:tankgirl thread:416930
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/subs/20041013/msgs/416930.html