Posted by alexandra_k on June 30, 2015, at 22:53:27
In reply to Re: 1 down, 3 to go, posted by alexandra_k on June 30, 2015, at 22:42:16
The reason why 'equity' is starting to upset me is because people are all about 'its not fair! i got screwed over and its not fair!' but if they were in the position to screw over other people... they would do what was done to them in a flash. So their crying about how it isn't fair... I feel almost completely unsympathetic about it when I think that they would do the same thing (take up that same 'opportunity') if things were reversed.
I wouldn't. And I trusted that somehow... That would matter to the 'right' people (the people who matter to me). That there would be people like me in the sense that they would have an internal moral compass... That they might not take up these 'opportunities' to f*ck over other people for the reason that... They don't feel that f*ck*ng over other people is the right thing to do.
I know a lot of people who 'take up opportunities' think that the above way of thinking is seriously misguided etc etc etc. At the end of the day, how bad do you want out? Enough to play the game?
I... Can't play the game. I think that part of me is broken. I'm not able to successfully mask my emotional state. I'm not able to convince anybody that I'm happy to see them when I'm not or that I'm totally going out of my way to do everything for them when that's simply not true.
There are people like me, yeah? Where are they? I suspect they are the ones who left here... I feel so very sad.
This year is a horrible year. I found out I didn't do any better in the biology final than I did in the first test. Which surprises me a lot... Apparently they are objectively graded and not scaled. I know I missed a bunch of content in the first test because I studied to the content not to the test. I got a lot of multi-guess wrong... Then in my prep for the exam in taking time to work through past years questions I found that my initial judgements were out because I wasn't getting some of the appropriate contrast classes / the style of the questions... So... I expected my performance to come up significantly. But it didn't... Which surprises me a great deal.
I have been targeted negatively... In asking for special accommodations it is like they have researched what is known about autistic spectrum from 20 years ago and they purposefully tried to introduce aspects of that into the learning environment to... Try and trigger me. One can only suppose that that is the intention. I suspect it is about trying to teach me a lesson that it is not appropriate to ask for help. It is coming back to me... About how we say that it is their fault for not asking for help. How can we help if they don't ask? But if they ask for help then we have to be very quick to punish / stomp on that because why would we spend resources to help them? Getting ahead... For anybody to voluntarily offer information on their weakness / need for help... There's an opportunity for the person with the knowledge of that to get ahead... For sure.
poster:alexandra_k
thread:1076978
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20150604/msgs/1080128.html