Posted by alexandra_k on April 11, 2015, at 23:02:35
In reply to Re: fear, posted by alexandra_k on April 8, 2015, at 19:19:41
i talked to my doc. i have a good gp... and i talked to the uni guy who sort of manages some of uni accom... and i talked to the health worker i see every couple weeks... and i told them that if anything happened to me, they knew the kinds of questions i was asking about my building, and so on...
which helped me feel a bit better.
the main response seems to be... that, well, yes. all of these things might be happening. that it isn't paranoid. i even mentioned about setting up a camera in my room and was told that people do set up cameras on their car... setting up a camera to watch a camera to watch a camera might be being paranoid, but i didn't seem paranoid, no.
i guess... realistically... i am part of a target population. cheaper to advertise to us... to take us as predictive of the likely market in australia and the uk and canada and the us... that has been happening with us for a while now... they are upfront about our supermaket cards (you need for discounted prices - 'realistic' prices) being used to help them figure how to stock supermarkets in sydney and the like...
i brought a bunch of bananas... and gave them to various homeless people... it helped me feel a bit better. i've started reading labels on food a bit more. going to pay more for better food. i can check the particular flock that produced the eggs i brought, apparently. i will do that. i'm going to stop buying chemicals (cleaners and toiletries and the like) that have been imported from overseas... or even made here. i bet they are by-products of something more lucrative. chemical waste. how to get rid of it. create a market for it. the people will eat it or smear it all over themselves...
i just need to remain focused on doing well in my studies. it means... everything to me. i want to do med so bad. the stuff is really interesting even though it feels overwhelming to learn so much content at times... i feel so very privaledged to have the opportunity to learn it. and to have a pleasant space where i can chat away to myself to help learn it. even if i am on livestream for the folks in china or whatever...
i am getting moments of intense fear. like a night terror. moments of intense fear like that. what am i afraid of? what do i think is the worst thing that can happen to me? i'm not sure... i've never heard of anyone falling 13 floors in an elevator... lots of buildings don't have a 13th floor because of something... superstition...
i don't know where the fear is coming from. perhaps it is fear that i won't get into med. the people... some people you don't quite know / aren't quite sure about... but there are lots of people about who... revel in their ignorance. delight in their dumbness. complain that things are too hard and they need to be easier. groan when new content comes out. etc. really want to (need to must) get the hell away from those people. from people like that.
embryology is just fascinating... the cell differentiation... we are supposed to be learning about mechanisms too... the assessment thus far has been... thematically arranged on the content but more of an intelligence test than anything else. ability to reason about things... see connections... or to just use reason, generally. they are preparing us for the UMAT. to focus on things they deem important. next round soon... i suspect it is going to be the same. knowing the content is a precondition but we are expected to think / reason about the content. i hope i do well enough. more than anything in the world.
maybe the fear is just coming from being afraid i'm going to miss out on that.
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I got ACC approval. it is like... a sort of private health insurance that the government purchases on our behalf or something (employers pay a levy into it etc) and... anyway... it sort of gives me the equivalent of private health insurance for my injuries. it used to be that things like that were 'intentional' and not 'accidental'. but they have retro... retroactively? retrospectively? changed it. so i quality now. apparently part of it could have been that they were trying to keep the injury related costs down in the first year (when they are typically highest). whatever... point is...
i saw a surgeon. we are talking about doing something to my right foot at least. because it isn't set straight. and it is deteriorating. the joint will give up if nothing is done. i had suspected that despite my best efforts to strengthen it good... it was getting worse. need to talk about that, though... i think he is looking for easy / quick and i'm not sure that it what is best... he got me to stand on a corner of a book so the outside part of the ball of my foot was raised... and that made me bear weight down centrally on the joint. he said he could do something that would do that in effect... but he also said something about how he could do something to the midfoot... sort of query... anyway... i need to check about that. i'd rather he set the midfoot bones straight rather than leaving them dislocated as they are... if he just raises / fixes the forefoot then i'll lose what little dorsiflexion i have... i really want to be able to push weight through the ball of my foot with that pushing the weight through the center of the ankle joint... even if it is a more major operation to do the midfoot...
and i have some persuading to do to get him to lengthen the tendons on my other foot so i can launch from the ball of my feet / fix up my clawed toes. he did say he could remove the bone spur and separate the fusion of tibia / fibula so they can splay a bit when i bear weight down on the heel / maybe get a little eversion / inversion... athroscopically...
i guess... lengthening the tendons might be time consuming / new for him... i would imagine he is expected to get an operation done under strict time limits... anyway... getting a CT and weight bearing x-ray.. getting orthotics, too, and maybe shoes... and maybe some foot physio from someone he particularly thought was good. so... we will see...
healthcare... really is the most important thing in the world. without your health you have... nothing. nothing at all.
_____
homeless people... the homeless people about... it is a choice. and i'm starting to see more of why... people don't want to live in these foreign owned buildings where they are probably on tv. they are probably under less surveillance on the streets. people don't want the supermarket tracking the money they are granted by welfare... they don't want welfare people tracking the money they are spending.. they'd rather put up a sign 'food or money please' and sit themselves down outside the austrailian owned supermarket...
freedom...
these people aren't mindless... dumb... they are smart... smart, sensitive people. human. recognisably so.
poster:alexandra_k
thread:1076978
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20150214/msgs/1078165.html