Posted by alexandra_k on October 19, 2013, at 20:17:34
In reply to Re: figured it out, posted by alexandra_k on October 19, 2013, at 0:52:03
i hate the person i am becoming / the person i have become.
it all started at WELTEC.
there i was, bright eyed and eager to learn.
i ignored the typo's in the outline. in ignored the math that didn't add up in the assessment schedule. the only question i had was 'BOOKS!!!'
they told me not to worry about books, which made me sad.
then (reluctantly) they told us the books were ordered and available for purchase from the campus place.
only i had gone there already that morning and asked about them and they weren't there.
that was the first of the lies they told me.then there was the large classrooms. large enough to seat about 60. not staggered seating like a lecture theatre, the desks lined up so people were meant to sit in pairs or threes. you couldn't hear what the lecturers were saying if you sat back any further than the first third. even sitting in the first third you couldn't really hear because the other students couldn't be quiet.
'have you got a pen?' 'what page are we on?' 'what did the tutor just say?' 'how was your weekend?' 'poke - you are supposed to laugh now!' constant drivel... i'd say 'can you please be quiet because i can't hear the tutor when you are talking'. it got to the point i was saying this around 3 times in a 2 hour class. the tutor didn't back me up
(if it was my classroom i'd say 'if you want to talk you need to take it outside because you can't interrupt other students learning - they are paying too much for that. i've never needed to actually ask them to leave after saying that - though i would ask them to leave if i needed to).
why couldn't the teachers do their job?
it escalated to my being asked to leave. because it was constant... i couldn't learn there. the other students were incapable of being quiet / leaving me alone.
the uni here... is just the same.
i used to think anybody could do uni if they wanted. not everyone wanted to do it. that was cool.
now... i find myself thinking very / feeling very ... derogatory? thoughts about others. feeling really very angry. railing at stupidity and ignorance etc etc. hating them.
i used to not like / feel upset about people who thought they were better than others. people who were mean to those who were less smart etc.
but now i find myself turning into that person i hated.
this is because i'm not protected from their harms. i don't have a quiet corner of the world where i can get on with my work. i don't have like minded others to relax and unwind with.
high school was like this. the only thing different was university.
i think the people at university only get to have compassion for a lot of the rest of humanity because they are protected from it. if they weren't...
they might be more inclined to be sociopathic.
poster:alexandra_k
thread:1047868
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20130914/msgs/1052591.html