Posted by Deneb on September 30, 2010, at 12:18:50
In reply to I'm pushing friends away :-(, posted by Deneb on September 30, 2010, at 0:10:31
I've realized some things. For a while my excuse for not eating was that my ED voice told me to, but then I realized something, the ED voice IS me. I can control whether or not I listen to my ED voice. I'm not so deep into this that I can't find myself out.
I'm realizing that my obsession is pushing friends away and if I continue along this path, it will only lead to loniness and no life. I'm lucky to have friends who care enough about me to take active steps to not encourage my ED behaviours. I don't want to hurt my friends.
I'm also lucky to have pdoc with me, helping me to learn to live life.
I say I want to be 90 pounds but WHY do I want to be 90 pounds? Will I be any happier? My body has never been 90 pounds in my adult life, there is nothing natural about that weight for me. Pdoc, you're right, I'm not meant to be 90 pounds.
I think sometimes I think that if only I can be model thin, everything will be better. I will be successful and happy. In reality being thin doesn't have anything to do with success in life at all. You're right, I'm just diverting my attention away from the things that really matter to me.
I don't want to head down the ED path. I want to live and be happy and have friends. I don't want to be obssessed with my weight and unhealthy.
I need to stop going down this ED path now, as it will only get harder the further along I go in it.
I need to nourish my body with healthy food. Yesterday I wanted to restrict to 300 kcal again for 3 days, but today I went to career counseling and I thought of something besides food. I thought of my life and my career. I want to build my life. I chose to eat healthy today. I had a rice vermacelli and salmon wrap and a nonfat iced latte. I'm going to really try to eat a minimum of 1200 kcal of healthy foods and exercise a bit everyday.
I think it would be OK for me to lose a bit more weight, but nothing like 25 pounds. I think 100 would be a good weight for me. I can still lose weight healthily and slowly eating 1200 kcal each day.
I'm so lucky to have you on my side pdoc. (((((pdoc)))))
poster:Deneb
thread:955008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20100907/msgs/964285.html