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I wish I could be anorexic thin

Posted by Deneb on June 14, 2009, at 23:46:56

I'm guessing this is not a normal goal to have. :/

I got into the overweight category a few months ago and decided to do something about it. I joined Weight Watchers. I have lost about 8 pounds in 13 weeks. I think that is pretty reasonable. I could have lost faster, but I binged some times and wasn't always on plan.

I want to keep losing. My secret wish is to lose so much weight that I end up in hospital. Why in the world would I want that? I'm pretty sure I don't want to die. I'm guessing I am wanting something else, maybe attention or caring from others.

Now I am nowhere near the danger zone, with a current BMI of 23.8. I'm thinking I probably won't get anywhere near how thin I want to be. I don't think my body will allow it.

But I would really like to lose a lot of weight and have everyone notice. My wish is to lose enough weight that my pdoc gets concerned. I am not telling her I am losing weight. I want her to notice my weight loss without telling her. Plus I know she will tell me my weight is perfect now and I just need to eat healthy and not lose weight.

I would really love to have a weight well into the double digits. I told my Weight Watcher's leader that my goal weight was 100 pounds. I lied because my goal weight is closer to 90 pounds, but 99 pounds is the lowest healthy weight they will allow. My leader recommended having a goal weight in the middle of the healthy BMI range.

I don't think 90 pounds will send me to the hospital. I think I would have to be 70 pounds for that to happen. I think 90 pounds is reasonable. I just hope I will be satisfied at 90 pounds. Of course Weight Watchers will kick me out before then.

Another wish I have is to go to the next Babble meet and be really really thin and Dr. Bob will say, Wow, you look great!

Anyways, I will envision that happening and that will motivate me to stay on Weight Watchers. I hope I lose a lot of weight. I've been on Weight Watchers for 13 weeks now. That is the longest I've ever stuck to a plan. I think this is a plan I can stick with for the long term.

The weird thing is, I am OK with my body. I don't think it is about looks at all. Why do I want to be anorexic thin?


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