Posted by alexandra_k on June 13, 2009, at 21:49:20
In reply to Re: Balancing acceptance and change, posted by Deneb on June 13, 2009, at 21:44:13
> Would people seriously prefer that I get really upset, tell no one about it, OD, tell no one about it and die?No Deneb, I really don't think that that is what people prefer. Or... If they feel that way then that would be a feeling arising from frustration at their being triggered. I don't think anybody really feels that way.
I think it is more that there are ways of expressing your distress (I've heard) that make it more likely that you will get the validating kind of response from others that genuinely helps, compared to ways of expressing your distress (I've heard) that make it more likely that others will feel triggered and then post things that make you feel ordered around or whatever.
I think that people are hoping that you will learn something about those ways of expressing... I think you have come a long way. The move from 'I am going to x' and 'I feel like doing x' is a significant step indeed and it does seem to be one you have made. The step from 'I feel like doing x' to 'y is really bothering me' is another really hard jump. Maybe even harder.
But that being said... It does tend to be distressing to see another in distress. Especially when you don't really know what to do to help / put things right. That doesn't mean that you shouldn't express your distress. But sometimes it is hard / triggering for people.
Take what helps and ignore that which isn't so helpful... Probably the best you can do. Hang in there.
poster:alexandra_k
thread:900820
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20090604/msgs/900863.html