Posted by Cass on February 24, 2009, at 18:37:22
In reply to Re: Despair, despair, despair, posted by Phillipa on February 23, 2009, at 13:35:49
Thanks for your responses. I'm trying to feel what I feel and have a good attitude, but lately I feel so sad. Anger is a big issue, too. I do feel a sense of optimism about going into treatment although I'm told it may be overwhelming by people who have been through a lot of group therapy. I'm also wrestling with another personal issue. Our new minister helped me a lot when my husband was very ill and when he passed away. She was there for me almost obsessively. On more than one occasion she said, "I think of you literally every second of the day." The statement actually raised some red flags for me; it sounded co-dependent or something, but I was in so much crisis that I accepted the situation as it was. Now lately it seems that she has largely withdrawn her support. I've sensed a strong shift in her attitude. At first I blamed myself which I have a tendency to do. I felt guilty about being so needy even though she seemed to thrive on it. I spoke to my therapist, and he says she sounds like a "rescuer;" someone who comes on strong in their support because they get something out of it, but if they don't see you getting better fast, they are disappointed and move on to someone else. It would be easier to accept in someone else, but she had a professional responsibility in the lives of me and my husband, and I think the way she acted was unprofessional. I feel set-up. I grew to rely on her support. Under ordinary circumstances if I had been my normal self, sensing red flags, I probably would have distanced myself from her a little, but I was overwhelmed. So I grew to rely on her; she encouraged it, and then she suddenly became distant. That hurts. I called her recently. She seemed sort of removed but commented that I seem mad at her. I told her that I was hurt by her shift in attitude. She told me she thinks I am upset because I have abandonment issues stemming back to my parents and my husband dying. I may have abandonment issues, but that doesn't take away from her role in the problem. So I'm wrestling with how I should deal with this. Maybe I should just accept that she helped for awhile, take it for what it is, be grateful for her past support, and accept that she is no longer a significant resource for me. It's complicated though. She is a part of my life: I'm involved in congregational activities, so I see her a lot besides on Sundays, and now I don't feel comfortable around her.
poster:Cass
thread:881715
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20090209/msgs/882225.html