Posted by fayeroe on October 11, 2008, at 13:22:31
In reply to :-( So stressed. Make that STRESSED, posted by Kath on October 9, 2008, at 15:29:28
> Lots of stress around son's new apartment.
Why are you taking on the stress of something that an adult child should handle on hs own?
>
> Too many details to go into, - some are:
>
> - it had originally smelled like cat pee
> - landlady who lives upstairs said she was steam cleaning carpet in his room that he was going to rent.when it is dry, try shaking a good amount of soda on it....let set and vacumn. do it twiceif yo think it helped the first time. good luck! cat pee is the worst.
>
> So we went on Monday for him to sign rental agreement. As we walked into the apt we could still smell some cat pee (not TOO strong) & in his room it was there also.
>
> - It was just him & I - not landlady. We were both upset. when we went up to see her, son said nicely that there's still a bit of a cat pee smell. She said 'impossible - I paid $300 for a carpet cleaning machine & special solution...you must be smelling the cleaning solution - it'll go as it dries'
>
> -He said if on the off chance it doesn't, could he pull up the carpet & put rugs down or carpet.
> She sorta freaked & said she couldn't afford to put new carpet; he said he would.
It doesn't always work if the tenant takes on the arrangements and cost of remodeling. What if the landlady decides she doesn't like the changes and she can very well do that if she gets pissed off about something else. Then he has an investment and no return for it.
>
> STRESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
>
> Then her printer wouldn't work & she emailed the agreement to me; son & I went home, printed it, read it & there was all kinds of nonsense in it, for ex that if air conditioning, electrical, etc needed repair he'd be responsible for cost.etc.
>
> So we took it over, went over it with her point by point. She was pretty good about changing it to be sensible.good deal~
>
> Anyway, here I am giving all the details...!!
>
> So also the % of the utilities was raised from 20 to 30% and when he asked for an idea of the amount she was all stressed out & saying "I though you wanted the place" etc.
>
> Anyway, I am really stressed. WAYYYYYYY out of proportion to facts.
>
> And at this point he won't be able to afford internet hookup & he uses it every night to talk with friends on Myspace.How about making the effort to make some IRL friends? Warm bodies.
I am SO afraid that without it he will get depressed....and that brings back the situation in the rooming house he was in last year at this time & him being SO depressed & ending up using cocaine again (although I didn't know that until last January).
Kath.......if he is going to get depressed and use.....there is not one thing that you can do. let him stand on his own two feet and try to quit propping this young man up. this guy has to accept responsibility for his own choices. sweetie, as long as he has you as a safety net...expect him to use that net over and over and over....you're going to keep moving net to catch him over and over.....what does he learn from that? mom will always bail/catch/make excuses/project for him. said with much love and "been there, done that"....what do you think it would be, if it wasn't the lack of internet?????
>
> SO much stress & I feel so extremely f***ed up.
>
> :-((((((((((((((((((((((
>
> :-(((((((((((((((
>
> And like I'm flippin' crazy.you are giving your power and tacit approval to to the situation...Kath, what are you going to have for yourself?
>
> :-( Kath
>
> did I mention anxiety!! Kath, detach...xoxoxo pat
poster:fayeroe
thread:856617
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20080929/msgs/856928.html