Posted by Jay_Bravest_Face on June 10, 2008, at 21:21:34
In reply to Re: Hurt's more than hurt...rescue me plz.... » Jay_Bravest_Face, posted by Dinah on June 9, 2008, at 20:19:41
> Jay, I was enormously close to my father. He was no saint (and neither was I of course), and he drove me nuts at times, but we were enormously close. I knew he loved me more than anything in his world. We were so much more than just family, because his influence stretched into most parts of my life.
> When Daddy started getting sick, my therapist told me that this sort of loss was really a series of losses. And he was absolutely right. Each of those losses hurt. Dialysis isn't uncommon these days, and it doesn't mean he'll die any time soon. But it is a loss, and a reminder of his mortality and the fact that you won't have him forever.
> And yet now I've lost my father, what I think of as I look back is that old saying about courage. "A coward dies a thousand deaths, a hero only one." Yes, there are many losses along the way, but if you lose yourself in them you lose the time you have left with your father.
> While he's here, enjoy him. He's alive today. You have today. Enjoy today. If he likes fishing, take him fishing. Laugh at your favorite TV shows together. Talk about politics. Do whatever it is that you do together. If he needs to grieve his own losses, grieve with him of course. But... Sooner or later you will lose him. Try not to lose any time with him while you have him anticipating that loss.
> I know that's easier said than done.
No, you hit it straight on the mark! The precious little time we do have should be used, every tiny moment, as much as possible. I find it a bit hard being on these meds that kinda 'squash' the deeper feelings, so I've really been a bit daring, and cut back on the 'numbing' ones. Now, I do often cry more, especially at night and before I go to sleep, but it somehow feels 'right'. It is so odd. It's like some primate howling at the moon over the loss of a pack or family member. It comes from very deep inside. I don't really wish to push this on anybody else, but let me just say I've also found some new comfort and a whole new world, really, in religion. I can't explain it...none of this.
But, again you are *so* right: Holding on to this moment, making IT the best. Isn't that really a good way to live, too? "Love is the enemy of misery"..such a great quote, from Bono. I know I am doing some good, in particular when I take my Dad out shopping, and there is tons of traffic, people are just speeding and being rude, and as long as my Dad is there by my side, I just sit there with that smile on my face, not really caring how long it takes to make a left turn to get to the mall. Isn't that "grace" in action? (Not saying I am wonderful for being like this...but happy I've been given this set of patience and temperament.)
Thanks very kindly for your very touching thoughts. I am positive your Dad hasn't left your side. Take care....