Posted by Dinah on June 9, 2008, at 20:19:41
In reply to Re: Hurt's more than hurt...rescue me plz.... » Tabitha, posted by Jay_Bravest_Face on June 9, 2008, at 12:54:13
Jay, I was enormously close to my father. He was no saint (and neither was I of course), and he drove me nuts at times, but we were enormously close. I knew he loved me more than anything in his world. We were so much more than just family, because his influence stretched into most parts of my life.
When Daddy started getting sick, my therapist told me that this sort of loss was really a series of losses. And he was absolutely right. Each of those losses hurt. Dialysis isn't uncommon these days, and it doesn't mean he'll die any time soon. But it is a loss, and a reminder of his mortality and the fact that you won't have him forever.
And yet now I've lost my father, what I think of as I look back is that old saying about courage. "A coward dies a thousand deaths, a hero only one." Yes, there are many losses along the way, but if you lose yourself in them you lose the time you have left with your father.
While he's here, enjoy him. He's alive today. You have today. Enjoy today. If he likes fishing, take him fishing. Laugh at your favorite TV shows together. Talk about politics. Do whatever it is that you do together. If he needs to grieve his own losses, grieve with him of course. But... Sooner or later you will lose him. Try not to lose any time with him while you have him anticipating that loss.
I know that's easier said than done.