Posted by Fivefires on April 15, 2008, at 1:55:06
I made multiple phone calls, today, and in the past couple months, in an effort to elicit some help, but nothing changes. Part to blame lack of funds, docs and therapists and front office overworked, so there are more than just I who are suffering and shouldn't be. Is this supposed to make it okay?
How long must I lie in bed w/ so little hope and lose weight and lose my appetite and lose my self-esteem and then maybe lose the roof over my head? Will someone pay attn then, when I've lost it all? Like said, continually try to be pro-active, calling, asking if they've entered my words into the pute, asking if they'd pass on to pdoc, to make the powers that be aware I'm withering away, but my messages are not getting through to them or are, maybe, not urgent enough.
Must I 'fake it' to get inpatient care and a good look and re-evaluation at my treatmet? Feel free to use babblemail feature if anyone can sympathize.
This is .. this is .. MISTREATMENT! I haven't committed a crime and so must pay for it by some suffering. I'm a very sick person without any support at all. I'm mid age. I don't drink or use illicit drugs. Yet, feels I'm being treated like dispensible.(?) Has it come to this here in the United States? Are we just numbers? Where are family? Where is that one person you thought would stand by your side when your life was at stake?
And now, w/o my one most precious advocate and one I love so much, and with the trust I felt in this person shaken, I'm sick to my stomach and frightened at what seems to be more important to people than other people.
It's my feeling the likelihood of this downhill illness continuing is greater when we are without family or friends to sometimes look into the treatment we are or are not receiving. Whose gonna' believe a mentally ill person? Is this it? If there is a 'normal' person in view or in the room w/ med personnel, might my treatment be better? I don't think I'm imagining the times I've seen this exact thing happen.
I'm too scared to throw in the towel and am equally scared of 'fading away'. I am losing my 'self' more every day.
Been reading about atypical depression and can't get my mind off this - I have every symptom of it. I really have no other symptom of illness which isn't mentioned, unless anxiety was mentioned and I missed it in the article I read. I do have anxiety. The most promising med for its treatment is one which docs withhold re: dangers. I actually brought this med to the attn of my pdoc once and he balked at it.(?)
I need help so badly and today this need seems to have become enormous, because I am w/o my support person.
I'd just said to this person a day or two before, ... just please 'don't let go'.
As much as I am frustrated by the worsening of my health, maybe my support person is as well and it is this frustration that lead to needing 'a break from me', but it still hurts so much, like love w/ conditions or like love disappearing. I do not deal w/ loss of love .... much time must pass, and forgiveness. I find the trust lost is the hardest thing. Do I forgive them or try to forgive myself, and even if I can forgive one or the both, recultivating it in my soul is so difficult. Make any sense?
I'd appreciate prayers or whatever your thing is you do ... if you'd remember me please ... tonight or whenever. I can't bring myself to lie my head down and sleep for fear of awakening to this 'twisted reality telling me I am worthless'.
I try to remember you all and your words and your time given, in my prayers, but must admit sometimes have to say 'u know the rest of 'em that I care about, so pls take care of them too'.
I'm not on top of things here at site like many but it doesn't mean I'd not run to you if there were something I could do or say to help.
5f
poster:Fivefires
thread:823379
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20080329/msgs/823379.html