Posted by Michael83 on August 14, 2007, at 23:48:15
In reply to Small panic attack... *triggers*, posted by Michael83 on August 14, 2007, at 23:24:10
I just tried to go to bed, but now my mind is going 100mph thinking up all these extreme and abstract "what if" scenarios, scaring the hell out of me.
I'm not and never have been thinking of hurting myself. I would never do that, I'm scared of this machine because I want to live. I'm trying to stay alive. Life has dealt me a tricky hand, but overall it's worth it and I feel fortunate to be here.
But this fear makes me feel disconnected from reality. Not as bad as before, I think I'll be fine in morning. I've been doing well in the past month. I just want to live my life and be happy.
The weird part is that hardly no one else is scared except me. Everyone else online I meet on science forums just jokes about it and doesn't take it seriously. Their minds, like most people's, are designed to resist psychologically damaging thinking. But mine is not designed that way. There are no protections from such thoughts. My mind processes even the most fearful thoughts in full and with complete seriousness. The whole thing feels like a bad dream where a line of people keep walking one by one off a cliff and you're trying to warn them, and even though they see the danger ahead, but they don't listen.
I just want everything to be alright.
poster:Michael83
thread:776331
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20070803/msgs/776337.html