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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 13 of 13. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Michael83 on August 14, 2007, at 23:24:10
About once a month the "machine" they're building in Switzerland shows up on a news site or some other site I may read online. It did tonight. As usual, bragging about how it's the "most complex machine ever created in human history." I won't speak of it's name or specific intentions because I don't want others to be afraid. It's still a while before they test it. I just want them to fire it up and get it over with and everything can be fine and the scientists can get their useless information from it to write more textbooks or whatever they plan to do.
But I'm so shaken up. Not that bad, nothing like before when I was scared of God. But I'm still scared of this thing.
They never fail to mention some ultra-extreme potential event that might or might not occur in the machine that could endanger everything.
This is stupid machine is disrupting my concentration and making me feel disconnected from my life putting everything in a "it could all end tomorrow" type of perspective and making me feel like nothing matters. No one needs this.
I'm so nervous and scared. I hate being afraid all the time. I need to go to bed and get some sleep.
Posted by Michael83 on August 14, 2007, at 23:48:15
In reply to Small panic attack... *triggers*, posted by Michael83 on August 14, 2007, at 23:24:10
I just tried to go to bed, but now my mind is going 100mph thinking up all these extreme and abstract "what if" scenarios, scaring the hell out of me.
I'm not and never have been thinking of hurting myself. I would never do that, I'm scared of this machine because I want to live. I'm trying to stay alive. Life has dealt me a tricky hand, but overall it's worth it and I feel fortunate to be here.
But this fear makes me feel disconnected from reality. Not as bad as before, I think I'll be fine in morning. I've been doing well in the past month. I just want to live my life and be happy.
The weird part is that hardly no one else is scared except me. Everyone else online I meet on science forums just jokes about it and doesn't take it seriously. Their minds, like most people's, are designed to resist psychologically damaging thinking. But mine is not designed that way. There are no protections from such thoughts. My mind processes even the most fearful thoughts in full and with complete seriousness. The whole thing feels like a bad dream where a line of people keep walking one by one off a cliff and you're trying to warn them, and even though they see the danger ahead, but they don't listen.
I just want everything to be alright.
Posted by karen_kay on August 15, 2007, at 10:24:30
In reply to Small panic attack... *triggers*, posted by Michael83 on August 14, 2007, at 23:24:10
i wouldn't fear the swiss. they are very good at remaining neutral dear.
i tend to enjoy the chocolate they give us and those wonderful multitools.
take care,
kk
Posted by Phillipa on August 15, 2007, at 12:50:03
In reply to chocolate triggers » Michael83, posted by karen_kay on August 15, 2007, at 10:24:30
Michael I no longer listen to the news. Too upsetting sometimes. Maybe don't watch it or something else instead? Love Phillipa sorry you're scared
Posted by seldomseen on August 15, 2007, at 15:38:11
In reply to Overactive imagination. =( *triggers*, posted by Michael83 on August 14, 2007, at 23:48:15
I completely understand where you are coming from.
I've heard of this machine and its capability to advance our understanding of the our world I think is tremendous. So is its ability to reak havoc on life as we know it.
The inability to predict what will happen is so scary.
But in reality, we have no ability to even predict what will happen in our lives in the next hour - the next week, the next year. Even the next minute is not guarenteed at all.No one can promise you it will be alright, but let's say everything ends next year. How would you like to spend your last year alive?
I think we really have to try to live in the present and live it the best we can. There really is no point in worrying about things that we can't control.
I know that is easier said than done, but if you can allow yourself to throw yourself into your life, then I think you will be a lot less apt to think about the end of it.
Posted by Michael83 on August 15, 2007, at 16:33:05
In reply to Re: Overactive imagination. =( *triggers*, posted by seldomseen on August 15, 2007, at 15:38:11
>>>>I've heard of this machine and its capability to advance our understanding of the our world I think is tremendous.
***triggers below***
That's what they constantly tell us, but it's similar to memorizing a meaningless number. What purpose does this information serve? None! Scientists want to understand how the universe was created. I respect curiosity, but they need to focus their energy on something beneficial. We're learning NOTHING at the expense of EVERYTHING.
You do you understand when I said it reminded me of a dream where people are walking off a cliff, and you're trying to warn them not to, and they see the danger, but it doesn't effect them. From my assessment of your post, you don't seem at all frightened or outraged. THE WORLD MAY END! Is NOONE outraged.
I tell them this, and they acknowledge it, but they reply and say, "oohhh, but it could advance our scientific blah blah blah." NO OUTRAGE! NO FEAR! NOTHING!
Is NO ONE scared?
Some people are scared of roller coasters and muggers at night. But we're not scared of the Earth being destroyed?!?
Posted by Michael83 on August 15, 2007, at 16:36:52
In reply to chocolate triggers » Michael83, posted by karen_kay on August 15, 2007, at 10:24:30
>>>i wouldn't fear the swiss.
It's not just the swiss. It's all the greatest physicists from around the world, who researched this for 20 years, getting together to all work on one project.
Hundreds of the top physicists + $20 billion + the world's largest and most complex and powerful machine, all rolled into one.
Puts a new twist on the phrase "mad scientists."
Posted by Michael83 on August 15, 2007, at 16:42:07
In reply to Small panic attack... *triggers*, posted by Michael83 on August 14, 2007, at 23:24:10
All I thought about today was that machine. Not in panic, but just thought.
I can promise you this though, when they finally test that stupid machine next year and nothing bad happens, I will feel reborn. I will feel like the happiest person on Earth. I'll see my entire life ahead of me and I'll leap towards it (metaphorically) like a little kid going at a Christmas present.
Posted by Michael83 on August 15, 2007, at 16:50:37
In reply to Re: Overactive imagination. =( *triggers*, posted by seldomseen on August 15, 2007, at 15:38:11
You asked..
>>>>How would you like to spend your last year alive?
My answer is, not doing what I am now. I'm in the "creation" stage of my life, not the "enjoyment" stage yet. I can't have fun yet. I don't have everything I want yet. I want to fall in love and become successful before I die.
Posted by Kath on August 16, 2007, at 12:53:13
In reply to Also seldomseen... » seldomseen, posted by Michael83 on August 15, 2007, at 16:50:37
Hi Michael,
I hope you're feeling much better by now. Sorry that you've gone through all these awful feelings.
love, Kath
Posted by Michael83 on August 16, 2007, at 23:35:56
In reply to Re: Also seldomseen... » Michael83, posted by Kath on August 16, 2007, at 12:53:13
I'm feeling a little better. The same site that had the first article posted another scary article (unrelated to the one before) that really freaked me out.
But given the circumstances I'm doing well and better.
Thanks.
Posted by Kath on August 27, 2007, at 19:27:14
In reply to Thanks Kath... » Kath, posted by Michael83 on August 16, 2007, at 23:35:56
Hi Michael, hope you're doing even better!
hugs, Kath
Posted by horridmonster on September 6, 2007, at 20:46:08
In reply to Also seldomseen... » seldomseen, posted by Michael83 on August 15, 2007, at 16:50:37
> You asked..
>
> >>>>How would you like to spend your last year alive?
>
> My answer is, not doing what I am now. I'm in the "creation" stage of my life, not the "enjoyment" stage yet. I can't have fun yet. I don't have everything I want yet. I want to fall in love and become successful before I die.Michael, it sounds like where you want your life to go might be a nice place to focus when your thoughts get trapped in the negative - It sounds like you have some very important goals. Anything in particular that you want to be successful in?
-horridmonster
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