Posted by Deneb on January 19, 2007, at 15:10:32
In reply to Re: How can you be sure? *triggers* » Deneb, posted by NikkiT2 on January 19, 2007, at 13:43:09
> OK Deneb,
>
> There are two thoughts I have when i read this. Either you are lying, which I have no reason to believe, or you need a new doctor.I'm not lying but I might be misinterpreting her words and actions? I dunno. I'm sure she cares about me and doesn't want me to die or get hurt. I think after she asks me how many pills I took and determines that it's a safe amount that she doesn't make a big deal out of the OD in order not to reinforce my ODing behaviour. I think that's why she doesn't make a big deal out of it.
I also think she doesn't think I will act on my thoughts. I've threatened suicide directly before (I said I bought a rope to hang myself with, I did buy the rope) and she didn't lock me up or anything. I think she tries to help me see that I'm using suicide and self harm as a way of coping. I think she doesn't think I would actually follow through. I've also read that it's unhelpful to hospitalize borderline patients who threaten suicide. I'm sure she is doing the best thing for me by not locking me up every time I threaten suicide or self harm.
She doesn't think I will kill myself and she's probably right. A lot of things need to go wrong for me to kill myself. Suicide is very rare. Maybe she also thinks that because suicide is so unpredictable, there is nothing she can do about it. Anyways, that was then, this is now. I don't think about suicide anymore.
> As you know, I spent years doing "mini overdoses" as my form of self harm. And your pdoc is right, none ever killed me.
>
> But, I can no longer go go to the toilet with passing blood with my stools, and I have to ake a stool softener every day as my colon doesn't work properly. This was caused by ibuprofen over doses they believe.
> Needing to pass a stool gives me pains in my belly that double me over for about 15 minutes before "going".
> My liver function tests are "borderline" and I ahve almost constant pain in my lower back from my liver. This is from paracetemol.
> Other drugs made me sick, and I now feel sick after eating every single time, for about an hour, as my stomach is so badly damaged from the being sick and the drugs hurting the stomach lining.I'm sorry you were harmed. Maybe my pdoc doesn't know about the harm mini ODs can cause. I'll stop. I'll find better ways to cope with distress.
I actually also have some GI issues, but I don't think they are related to my mini ODs.
>
> I have *serious* concerns about ~any~ doctor who dismissses such actions. Very serious concerns.
>
> I urge you, very very strongly, to seek help with someone other than your pdoc. I do not want someone to have to live life in the often embarrassing and painful way I do.
>
> Please deneb..
>
> NikkiI know my pdoc cares about me. I don't know why she dismisses my ODs. Perhaps it's her way to not positively reinforce them. Maybe my ODs are safe because I don't OD on Tylenol, only aspirin. I don't know. When I was in the hospital they told me I could have gotten pulmonary edema. That was kind of scary.
When my pdoc told me I didn't have a chance of dying maybe she was trying to alleviate my fears. But I must admit I do think about taking more than I took that time at the hospital because I didn't die and my pdoc told me I wouldn't die. I wonder if she meant that I wouldn't die in the hospital with treatment or I wouldn't have died even without treatment?
I've read about the minimum lethal dose of aspirin and I only took about half that amount. I wonder if that figure is based on getting treatment or no treatment?
I don't know.
Anyways, but it's a bad idea to OD because clearly I can be harmed from them even if I don't die, and you are proof of that. I won't OD again.
Deneb*
poster:Deneb
thread:723690
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20070112/msgs/724095.html