Posted by Llurpsie_Noodle on January 19, 2007, at 11:37:38
In reply to Re: How can you be sure? *triggers*, posted by Deneb on January 19, 2007, at 11:07:51
> > Does she honestly not seem bothered when you tell you about your overdoses? If she doesn't, the I feel very very worried, and would even consider reporting her, as this is not professional behaviour.
>
> She doesn't seem worried about my ODs, even about the one that landed me in the hospital. The doctors at the hospital told me I could have died, but when I asked my pdoc about it she said I wouldn't have died. I think they were trying to scare me.Deneb, taking an overdose is just like taking any other medication- your body may react differently than others. You are petite, and the doctors at the hospital were probably speaking from their experience. I don't think that it's useful for you to think about what is lethal and what isn't lethal. More important is to think about how to avoid getting to a state where you feel that OD is your only option, or your best option. ALSO important is to learn strategies for coaching yourself out of that desperate place. Until you learn those strategies, and you learn to put them in place, AND you learn to deal with your own crises while they're happeneing... Then you are going to need some extra support in staying "safe".
You can draw that support from whereever you need to. Your faith in a higher power. Your wish to be a successful student. Your wish to join babblers in San Diego. A crisis counsellor can help coach you out of a desperate mindframe. An ER doc can give you support even before you make the decision to harm yourself. You can give your OD supplies to your mom and ask her if she can stay up with you tonight, or sleep in your room if that gives you comfort. You can call your pdoc before you OD, and she can help you reassess what your options are, so that you can make a better decision.
My point is that there are a LOT of ways to cope with that feeling of desperation. Some of them may feel "easy" (like posting on babble, which is "easy" for me) and some of them may feel like an insurmountable task (like calling your pdoc/T).
The idea is to brainwash yourself that you DO have options, and to teach yourself that you ARE strong enough to make the hard choice of keeping yourself safe. Even if one of your support strategies isn't working (i.e. babble posts are not helping with the desperate feeling) you can learn to try a second option, or a third. Go down the line until you find something that will bring your mind to a calmer state and/or keep your body in a safe location.
>
> Once I mini OD'd just before seeing her and I told her about it. She then asked me if I wanted to go to the hospital. I said, "No" and she left it at that. Of course she asked me how many pills I took, I think I took about 10, I'm not sure. She shortened our session by a lot that day. Maybe she didn't want to positively reinforce an OD.My first T used a similar approach with me. It was good for me (I reluctantly admit), because he helped me understand that no matter how AWFUL I felt, I was still strong enough not to act on my intentions. It sure didn't feel good at the time, when he told me that I can call this or that crisis line, but that I couldn't count on him to always be there to save me. I had to realize my own strength to save myself. So, this approach worked for me, and kept me from killing myself. It didn't exactly inspire a lot of confidence that my T cared for me, however. I didn't like the feeling that no matter what I told him he didn't seem to react with compassion. The other thing that strikes me is that he PROBABLY did have compassion, but I am bad at reading his face, and wasn't sensitive to it.
> My pdoc wants to help me live my life, she's not out to save my life. When I was suicidal she told me that it's my choice whether or not to kill myself. She knows she has no control over these things. I respect her for that.
>
> As for malpractice, I don't think that happens where I live. Once I told her my family wouldn't sue if I died and she laughed at me. Then I laughed too.
>
> Deneb*
>Maybe time to try with a T, and keep her around for medication management. sounds like she's not able to give you what you need in terms of supportive counselling.
-Ll
poster:Llurpsie_Noodle
thread:723690
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20070112/msgs/724008.html