Posted by Lindenblüte on October 10, 2006, at 22:39:52
In reply to Re: Aaaahhhh multi-dimensional anxiety!!! triggers » Lindenblüte, posted by sleepygirl on October 10, 2006, at 21:34:15
Got into a little spiff with husband on the phone. it lasted over an hour. now i'm emotionally exhausted (keep in mind I have very few emotions anyways. to convince them to come out, and to subsequently exhaust them is pretty devastating.)
In the middle of the phone conversation, a voicemail from a colleage. Our paper just got reviews back. one very positive, one hopeful with suggested revisions, one extremely critical. Editor says major revisions and re-reviews necessary, but the paper is not summarily rejected. WTF?
I'm seriously feeling hopeless tonight. completely utterly empty and dead and gone. I can't muster any strength. I didn't get my homework done, because I couldn't get off the phone with husband with him still mad at me (he never got un-mad anyways. I just exhausted myself trying to get him to understand me. Why do I bother?)
I'm just going to go cry now. My mom didn't care. My husband doesn't care. My editor thinks the work is possibly good, probably junk. My colleague demands immediate action. My advisor is going to be on my *ss tomorrow. I'm just gone. gone.
Haven't cried tears for myself in a long time. maybe i cried for others, or for my wee little Lindenblossom inside, but not for me.
always look on the bright side: the klonopin helped. had a nice conversation with two people who work in areas quite different from my own. I didn't feel like a complete dumbass, and my hands and voice stopped shaking after a while. I got a nice piece of chocolate cake.
I'm gonna go cry some now. I don't see how tomorrow is going to be any better. That's the worst part--- this whole drama is just the prelude to the real drama with the advisor and the narcissistic colleague. If I get much worse I'm going to ask for help. you guys know what that means, I think.
-Li
poster:Lindenblüte
thread:693625
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20061005/msgs/693720.html