Posted by corafree on August 15, 2006, at 1:11:38
In reply to Re: I'm afraid of recovery and losing you all » corafree, posted by TexasChic on August 12, 2006, at 19:35:55
It's my problem, not theirs. That's true, but I did not deliberately bring this upon myself. I would describe it as an illness or an unfortunate situation.
I wonder if we should forgive people for saying no when we ask for their help.
I struggle w/ this a lot, and a lot now.
I wanted 'to go back home' so called a day before yesterday. I live 1000m away. Haven't been back since my fa*her passed away.
Years ago I had asked one of my sisters, 'if he passed away, could I come stay at your house' and she said yes.
But, now she says 'My husband and I value our privacy too much. You could only stay for a weekened'.
I'm hurt and angry.
I know I would not respond this way to a sibling of mine that was 'alone and nearly poverty stricken and asking for my companionship', if I had a home, partner, and as much security as she (My mo*her made her manager of her store.).
Ya' think I'm wrong to be angry. There is a web site called something like ... wingsofmadness and it tells you 'what helps' and 'what hurts' someone in some form of pain.
I don't know what to do w/ these angry feelings. I tell myself these people are not worth a second thought. I wonder if that's fair. It's the only thing that seems to ease the pain. I feel 'unworthy' to be a guest at her home. Makes me sad. Yes, 'I've given of myself to her in the past'.
My father taught me, by example, 'to care for family in need'. When he passed, that stopped. My mot*her and siblings collectively began a business w/o any place for me. They will not speak w/ me by phone as say they are 'too busy'. Will only correspond via email.
My girls have told me 'have no further contact w/ them as it only hurts you'.
(My email isn't working well; no one to help. Getting double everything and my virus protection is screwed up. Large files won't download. = reason for slow followup. Sorry.)
Still on no AD as it seems I acted upon suicidal ideation when on ADs, and now I am able to self-talk myself away from such thoughts.
love, cf
poster:corafree
thread:673800
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20060806/msgs/676568.html