Posted by Racer on July 4, 2006, at 23:09:47
In reply to Re: I'm starting to feel ?, posted by Deneb on July 4, 2006, at 19:44:52
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> I don't really get why this happens to me, people telling me they are fed up with me. :-(
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> It's because I don't respond to many posts, isn't it?Actually, Deneb, if you go back and read what EE wrote, she wrote that she feels frustrated when she gives you advice and you don't acknowledge it. Speaking for myself, when I offer you advice and you don't acknowledge me for it, I feel frustrated and rejected. No one is saying that you need to respond to other people's posts. What we are saying -- at least I think this is what EE is saying, and I'm pretty sure it's what I'm saying -- is that your posts get a lot of good support from other people, but it's not endless. There is a point at which some of us just don't want to bother responding anymore, because we feel bad that we think our offerings were ignored.
I think I've mentioned before, I get frustrated when someone seems to have the same problem over and over without putting any effort into changing things so that it doesn't happen again. That isn't directed at anyone here, or even at online interactions necessarily. I get frustrated by it in real life, online, in books, whatever. And it seems as though you do get a lot of good advice on things you could do which would improve your quality of life, things that could improve your coping skills so that you wouldn't feel so much distress, etc.
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> I don't know what I'm doing that's different from what other people are doing. I really don't. Are people going to be fed up with me until I get a therapist? People keep telling me to get a therapist. What if I don't want to get a T right now? People will be angry?You sound angry, Deneb? Are you angry that someone didn't offer unconditional support? I think EE was trying to tell you how SHE feels, which is a good thing. If you are upset when you read how someone else feels, it might be worth considering why you feel that way.
As for the issue of getting a T, that is up to you. On the other hand, if you post a question, asking for advice on what you can do to feel better, and people tell you that getting a T would help you, that's the only advice that we can offer, when you come right down to it. You need someone In Real Life, and we can't be that.
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> So people tell me do X and Y and I have to do X and Y or else they will get frustrated?Speaking for myself, no. You don't have to do anything I suggest. On the other hand, I have felt both frustrated and rejected when I've posted advice or suggestions to you, or offered support, and I haven't read any sort of acknowledgement.
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> I respond to people who post to me. I've been trying to do that. It isn't enough? :-(I think, Deneb, that you have a very common human habit here: I think sometimes you respond to the people who wrote things you wanted to hear, and "forget" to answer people who didn't. That means you're human, but it can also mean the people you don't respond to feel hurt, or frustrated, or rejected, or angry.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that I agree with a lot of what EE wrote to you. I didn't read criticism in it, and I certainly didn't read any sort of rejection in it, but I thought there was a lot of value in her feedback. I've had the same worry regarding people responding to your posts, and for the same reasons. I know there have been times I haven't responded to you, for the reasons EE mentioned.
I don't know what else to say, so I'll stop now.
poster:Racer
thread:664027
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20060628/msgs/664109.html