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advice on social skills **violence trigger** » rjlockhart

Posted by Larry Hoover on June 3, 2006, at 9:40:00

In reply to You guys i need some advice on social skills, posted by rjlockhart on June 1, 2006, at 20:24:38

Dr. Bob, about the trigger thing, I don't like losing my subject line space because I have to manually flag a post. And it's not the same as a flag would be, anyway.

> Larry, anyone,
>
> Listen, i met a friend, well in high school i was a load mouth but didnt make any friends, didnt connect with people. I dont know why.

Hey Matt. Good to see you're posting again.

Please try to use the site's individual boards the way that they are intended? You put this on the med board. Just a gentle reminder.

I don't know if it's true, or not, but when I was a teenager, I bet you that there wasn't a more socially inept teenager in all the world. That's what it felt like, and I can tell you, I remember people telling me stuff just like that. To make sure I understood why they were about to punch me out. I'm surprised I still have all my teeth.

One of my friends and I were talking one day (hmmmm, evidence in my memory banks that I was not so socially inept as to have no friends......note to self: Modify conclusions about teenage years.), and he offered me a bit of advice that I still use today. He said: "You wouldn't worry so much about what people thought of you, if you realized how seldom they did."

Eh?

Everybody is self-absorbed, dude. 90% of what goes through a typical person's head is selfish personal hoohah. 5% is stuff they gotta do (rules, and responsibilities, and yuck). Their loved ones, and....

The point is, you don't take up much space in anybody else's head. Not your mom's. Not your anybody's. Human beings just work that way. Walking down a narrow hall with something big in your hands probably occupies 100% of your brain. Ya know? No room for other people. Well, if there is, you got some painting to do, in that darn hallway.

So, my advice to you is to stop trying so hard to make an impression in other people's brains. The impression you will leave is not the one you intended, no matter what that was. No, the impression you will leave is that you were trying to make an impression.

So, settle down, and stop worrying about that. I guarantee that when you're talking to somebody, you're using part of their brain. Sometimes people don't think to describe the impression you make in there. They don't say stuff like "Pleasure talkin' to ya." That doesn't mean it wasn't. Rest assured, you made an impression.

Try to make it a relaxed impression. That's my best advice. Stop worrying about what other people think of you, or that's all they'll see of you.

Lar

 

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poster:Larry Hoover thread:652226
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20060527/msgs/652298.html