Posted by special_k on April 4, 2006, at 22:46:11
In reply to Re: I wonder why Dr. Bob won't accept my scarf, posted by Deneb on April 4, 2006, at 18:11:13
i think legwarmers is right about the boundary stuff.
> Maybe Dr. Bob doesn't want to encourage my love obsession for him by sending me mixed messages and confusing me?
and i think that is probably right too...
i wouldn't be surprised if there was a blanket 'no gifts' policy in operation here... i think most therapists have those, but that they make exceptions in particular cases (which is taking context into account). but it can be hard to take context into account in a group setting. why? because taking context into account can lead to people thinking there are different standards for different people or something like that.
i wouldn't be surprised if there was a 'no hugs' policy either. boundaries once again.
why boundaries?
because it reduces confusion (provides more stability) and is likely to save hurts in the long run...
> Sorry I forgot to answer special k's question. My Dad and I have never been close. We don't really talk to each other. He shows his love by doing things like drive me places. My Dad was never around when I was little. He had to work all the time. I didn't really feel much for my Dad when I was little. I never really got attached to him.
yeah. so he was kinda absent...
> Could it be that I see Dr. Bob like a father? He protects me from incivility and punishes me when I'm misbehaving. I never really got that from my parents. I rarely felt protected by my parents and they never punished me. My Mom used to ignore me when I was misbehaving. Dr. Bob ignores me too. I think maybe Dr. Bob is old enough to be my father. I don't think that helps. Also, Dr. Bob has a Chinese name, that suggests he comes from a Chinese family. That doesn't help either. LOL Just one more thing that makes him like a father.yeah. quite a lot of similarity once you get thinking on it huh. not so much that he was like your dad (though i guess he is in some respects 'cause he is kinda aloof etc).... but also in that there is that kind of role going on (with the discipline etc). discipline is hard... i tended to throw a tantrum in the face of it... but consistent discipline... i think that is something that people actually need and appreciate (though there is typiclaly a lot of resentment etc in there too... espcially in the face of perceived unfairness / actual unfairness etc).
> Oh dear...LOL
heh heh.
> Special k wrote about some therapists having a no gift policy, but I don't see how that relates to this situation. Dr. Bob is not my therapist. I know the no gift policy has to do with ethics, but what would the reason be for Dr. Bob?well...
transference.
the intense feelings of love...
the intense feelings of love... IS the transference.
the rules on therapists...
are there precisely because of transference...
they are there to help protect the client so the therapist doesn't take advantage of their feelings...
he isnt' your therapist
but there are still feelings of transference
and he is a health professional
so my guess would be that he jolly well *should* be factoring in those kinds of things as therapists do.this is why it does indeed surprise me that dr bob doesn't have some board or something to be accountable to for his conduct...
i mean...
he seems to be doing this off his own bat (and doing well enough don't get me wrong)
but i would still feel a lot happier knowing there was some governing body that he was accountable to...
FWIW
poster:special_k
thread:626334
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20060331/msgs/629002.html