Posted by Deneb on December 23, 2005, at 22:28:43
In reply to Re: I'm afraid of getting blocked *trigger*, posted by fallsfall on December 23, 2005, at 7:19:50
Thank-you fallsfall for your thoughtful reply.
I'm going to try my best to respond.
> I assume that you don't want to be upset, so you don't want to be blocked. Is that right?
That sounds about right.
>
> > I'm thinking of an evil thought right now.
>
> So you recognize that this thought is not a particularly productive one.Yup. I can see that.
> >
> > I want to say that if I ever get blocked again, I'll kill myself to get revenge.
> >
> I know that you AREN"T saying this right now - it is just something that you WANT to say. Why do you want to say this? What do you hope our reaction would be? What are you trying to get us to understand?I think maybe I'm doing that thing where I try to make others feel the way I feel. Or maybe I need to learn to restrain myself and stop blurting out my thoughts. I'm not sure what reaction I want. I know there is no way out of the civility rules. Maybe I'm hoping people will help me be civil.
> So this is good - you are describing for us IN WORDS why blocking would be hard for you. It would make you feel like you were in prison. It is interesting to me that your metaphor is that you are not allowed to move, while in actuality blocking allows you complete freedom - but it EXCLUDES you from participating here.
I think being able to participate is very important to me. I think I like being heard, sometimes any way that I can (unfortunately).
> > I don't think people will like me very much if I kill myself because I don't like being blocked.
>
> No, killing yourself won't make people like you.I think maybe it would be the opposite. Maybe people will hate me or be angry at me if I kill myself.
> >
> > I don't think I ever learned to accept punishments. I never got punished when I was little.
> >
> Should you have been punished? Did you often do things that should have been punished?I think I was a pretty good kid overall, but i'm sure I did some things worthy of punishment.
> Why weren't you punished?
I don't know. Maybe I was punished, through yelling, but there were never any rules to follow.
> Are you saying that you want to learn to accept punishments?
I don't know if it's possible to learn to accept punishments at my age. I remember the first time I detention at school I wanted to kill myself, I was so upset and angry.
> If so, then perhaps being blocked is actually HELPFUL for you (also known as a "therapeutic opportunity") because it will give you a chance to see that you can be punished, but after the punishment is over, that things can go back to the way they were. That you can be forgiven for misdeeds.
I'm happy that when my blocks are over everything is back to normal.
> Maybe you need to learn ways that can help you control your actions. Do you think that would help?
The problem is, I'm able to think reasonably now, but when I'm upset, anything goes. That is the problem with "losing control".
> > I think people might not like me saying these things.
>
> Why do you think that people might not like hearing this? What do you think their reaction will be? What do you think they will feel?I think maybe that will think that I'm saying these things to get attention. I think these things may attract attention, but I'm not sure if my only goal was for attention. I'm truly speaking my mind. I'm really being me.
> What does revenge do? How would getting revenge help you?
Revenge wouldn't really help me. It would give me an outlet for my anger and I think that's about it.
> Talking instead of acting is a good way of controlling your actions.
I don't want to talk too much here because I don't want to get into trouble.
> What advantage to ghosts have?
I don't even really believe in ghosts. I just imagine it might be fun to travel all over the place.
Thanks for the encouragement fallsfall.
Deneb
poster:Deneb
thread:591511
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20051215/msgs/591756.html