Posted by Dinah on July 23, 2005, at 4:59:37
In reply to Re: Drama triangle » Dinah, posted by alexandra_k on July 22, 2005, at 23:18:46
The terminology is, perhaps, unfortunate. That is to be sure.
For example, I don't really see myself as a "victim" here at Babble, although I certainly remember it from middle school. I also remember, with disapproval, the kids who were afraid to help me publicly for fear of becoming a victim themselves. I also sort of remember that my tendency to stand with those even more victimized than myself in middle school brought down a lot on my own head.
Nevertheless, I see the dynamic he's talking about at Babble. Not that I would call anyone a perpetrator or victim. That's a bit extreme. But I suppose theories tend to be a bit ummm... stark, so as to better make their point.
Hmmm... In civility terms...
Someone (and the someone could include Dr. Bob) is the subject of an uncivil post, say without provocation. Any number of people on Babble will try to help that poster in different ways. Some of the ways involve being uncivil themselves (and becoming up for admin actions themselves). In addition, the target of the original uncivil post might respond uncivilly, and may also try to defend the posters who came to his/her defense. Some or all of the people trying to help will become targets of incivility themselves.
So without using the original unfortunate terminology, a good drama on Admin usually (but not always) involves a post percieved as uncivil, the subject of the uncivil post, and nearly always given the generous nature of Babble, defenders of the recipient of the uncivil post. In the course of the drama, the recipient and those defending the recipient can stray outside the civility lines themselves, and the recipient can defend the defenders, and the defenders can become recipients of uncivil posts. And outside of uncivil, there are also those not uncivil posts that still make one feel quite awful.
There, that takes the prejudicial language out of the original theory while maintaining the spirit. Because I certainly don't think of perpetrators and victims, even though I do think of rescuers. :)
I think my therapist was using this theory because he believes that my desire to rescue makes me a likely recipient of incivility, and is not always particularly appreciated by either the recipient or the poster of a post that falls outside the civility guidelines. And that moreover, giving into the urge to rescue merely prolongs and escalates the drama, which isn't in anyone's best interests.
As I said, I'm not sure I agree with all of it. I find it very hard to say nothing at all when I see someone hurting, even if it does escalate the situation. And I have a lot of resentment towards the bystanders in Middle School.
He says he's brought it up before, and maybe he was, but I wasn't ready to hear it. Because I don't remember it.
But I do see the dynamic at play in Babble on occasion, in escalating situations. And I wonder if some of the excitement on the Admin board could be contained by keeping the dynamic in mind.
Mind you, I certainly understand (most) sides of the triangle and sympathize with the goals.
poster:Dinah
thread:530124
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20050719/msgs/532029.html