Posted by PM80 on June 8, 2005, at 15:41:36
In reply to Can't get past this HATRED!, posted by margie24 on June 8, 2005, at 2:46:39
Perhaps instead of wanting to hurt her, you could focus on not letting yourself get hurt and letting yourself enjoy the celebration. Did you feel that you went the extra mile while she slapped you in the face? Did you want her to like you? That makes you human. If it were me, I would still be hurting from this. She may have felt manipulated and forced to "fit in" with the fam when she may have be honestly uncomfortable with large families. She is clearly feeling some kind of hurt of her own if she feels she needs to set a list of rules. She may truly not understand where you all were coming from becuase in her family that much attention truly was control/manipulation. She is her own person and is allowed to do what wants to do. It is what it is and you cannot do anything about it. You are your own person - put a healthy boundary there. Rather than feel threatened by her, just acknowledge that she can be herself, as unbecoming and as unlikable as that may be. Her being mean does not make your being mean right. Instead of wanting to tell that she is Barf, maybe try focusing on the fact that you get to see your brother and your family at the wedding. If she really is that horrible, how could she possibly be worth letting her ruin the event for you? If you let yourself be eaten by this hatred, you will be the one missing out.
Your brother WILL always be your brother. His wife will always be a sensitive subject, probably becuase you are his sister and he cares what you think. There has to be care if there can be hurt. If you want to have a relationship with your brother, think of his feelings - caught in the middle. He should not have to choose between his wife or his family. Acknowledge that she is his wife, no more, no less. The ring is on her finger, and he is an adult. Respect that and things will go smoother.
poster:PM80
thread:509519
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20050603/msgs/509692.html