Posted by margie24 on June 8, 2005, at 2:46:39
I'm not sure if I can barge in here, hope I don't offend, I need some advice or something.
This is the 4th night in a row I'm up, can't sleep, because I'm completely infuriated about my brother's wife-to-be (WEDDING IS THIS SATURDAY!). I'm not a violent person, but my disgust with this chick runs so deep I have visions of punching her face in all the time.
My nuclear family consists of mom, dad, 2 sister (30, 24) and 1 brother (26). Me, 29. My sis and I are married. Sis has 2 kids.
4 years ago my bro met this girl we'll call Barf. She was pleasant for the first 2 years. We all tried hard to welcome her like we would anyone, joke with her, invite her places, chat, etc. She was always reserved. After maybe year 2, she started to just be quiet with us, not talk, act pissed that she had to be spending time with us. (We get together a lot). To make a long story short, I last saw my bro. when I got married this past Dec. She came and spoke to no one for the 4 days (wedding was in Mexico).
I hate her for how she makes my mom feel. I hate her because since my brother met her, he can't think for himself, I hate her for convincing my brother that his family is evil, I hate her for being a gold-digger. I hate her for sitting there and not talking to anyone when we see her. I hate her, queen of wedding etiquette, for not asking my mom if there was anyone she wanted to invite to the wedding. I hate her for being pre-law when she met my brother and changing to education with 1 year left of school once she new she had him (and she's no humanitarian), I hate her for buying a brand new Lexus on a teacher's salary. I hate her for picking out the 2.5 carat diamond that was her engagemnt ring, I hate that I have to spend $600 to get to her wedding this weekend.
I've tried and tried and tried to accept her. I've prayed, I've meditated, I've talked to her, my brother, my family, my dog...
People say, live and let live. And this is your brother's fault, not hers. And people have every right to chose their own life. blah blah blah
I know that in my head. I CAN NOT get it to my heart. I feel like the only way I can let go of this is if she knows exactly how I feel. If I can say, "Barf, I know your a gold-digger, you treat my brother like a slave, you offer this world nothing, you are a blood-sucker, and I wish you would go far far away." I know what would happen, I'd lose my bro forever.
Almost a year ago I was consumed by this and so I called him. I asked him if they were still in love. (I told him they seem sort of unhappy, maybe stressed? lately, they used to TOUCH each other and LOOK AT each other). I wanted to let him know I was concerned and that it was important to me that he be happy. I asked him if he felt loved. He said yes. The conversation was pleasant and sweet. A couple of months later I realize my brother is upset with me. Apparently, he had changed his mind and found my question to be intrusive and offensive (surely after telling Barf about the conversation, she told him what to think). Things went down hill with all of us from there. We really aren't nosey people. We give each other lots of space. But we are close in that, we get together for fun, becasue we enjoy each other's company. (Well, bro and Barf now excluded).
I know many who read this will see me as being in the wrong. I feel wrong. I desperately want release. I get it for a week and then it comes back full force.
My husband says, what do you want? What do you want to happen? That question irks me. I don't know. I think I just want to put her in her place. Like how dare you come into our family and cause problems? How dare you make my mom feel this way? I want her to know that I know she wouldn't be with my bro if he wasn't bucks up. Okay, and this is sick, but it's like I want her to be submissive to me. My older sister and I are older than her. She's supposed to kiss up just a little, not email our while family a document stating 5 rules for their relationship as it relates to us (which she did). Face it, anytime you're the "addition" to a fmaily, you should be on your good behavior, and she's not following those rules. I want her to know that I know she manipulates my brother.
It will be a year in July that I've been doing this. I want to be done with it. But more urgently, I want to make it through this pretentious wedding.
Does anyone have any advice. Even if you criticize me, it will help (eventually).
Thanks for "listening". This got way too long.
Margie
poster:margie24
thread:509519
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20050603/msgs/509519.html