Posted by TamaraJ on May 1, 2005, at 19:28:39
In reply to Re: How to make new friends? » TamaraJ, posted by KaraS on May 1, 2005, at 16:21:38
> Hi,
>
> Thanks for your input. I have to push myself more and make myself do things. I'm sure it will be worth it eventually but giving myself the initial push has been hard. I would really like to join a support group to start with. I'll have to look into it more.
>
~~ Yes, that initial push can be hard, but, it does get easier. A support group sounds like a good first step. A nice way to develop a network of friends and acquaintances who have been through similar experiences and who can empathize because they have been there. I hope you can find one in your area.> As for the move, it is now officially OFF. I agonized over this decision until I made myself so crazy. My stomach has been in knots. I was so worried about my cats and about giving up my autonomy. I like having control over my own life and making my own apartment decisions. I wouldn't have had any of that if I made the move. My friend is extremely inflexible and she thinks she's knows the best way to do everything. It was a disaster waiting to happen. We've already been fighting over things quite a bit and I hadn't even moved in yet. I still think that even if she didn't believe the experts' methods of integrating cats was the right way to do it, then just the fact that I was so concerned about it should have made her say that she'd be willing to try it. It's just too risky to throw them all in together and expect it to work out. I just couldn't subject my cats to that esp. given that one of her cats and her parrot are quite vicious.
>
~~ Sounds like you made the right decision for you. It can be hard sharing a place with a friend. It can be even harder living with a friend who is opinionated, inflexible and not always the most understanding. It would have been nice to save some money, but sacrificing peace of mind is not worth a few extra bucks in your pocket. BTW, your cats have a very good mommy :-)
>
> I was really surprised at how well she took the news today (esp. since she lobbied so hard yesterday for me to go through with the move). But she was actually somewhat relieved herself today and was very sweet about it. I feel sooooo much better. It isn't going to end our friendship. She will often have jobs that are far from where she's moving to so I told her that she could stay over at my place as often as she wants to. I still need to figure something else out because this apartment is too expensive for me but for right now, staying was the best decision. I'm so glad I changed my mind before it was too late!
>
~~ That is surprising how well she handled it! I know you had been worried about the consequences of not going through with the move. That is certainly a relief, and I am glad you are feeling much better. It is good that you didn't go through with it and find out a month from now that the arrangement was totally unbearable. We never know if it will work out or not until we try something, but sometimes we need to trust our instincts and the nagging little voice in our head that tells us something is a mistake. That was generous of you to offer her a place to stay when needed. I am glad that your decision did not affect your friendship.> Thanks again for asking and for your continual support.
>
~~ It is my pleasure always. You do the same for me, and for that I thank you as well.Take good care, and I will talk to you later.
Tamara
xoxoxox
poster:TamaraJ
thread:492197
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20050426/msgs/492468.html