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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 18 of 18. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by KaraS on May 1, 2005, at 3:31:22
I've lived in my current location for 5 years now and haven't made many friends - partly because I'm shy and partly because I haven't been getting out a lot. I also would prefer to make friends who are in the same boat as me, meaning that they're single, mid 30's or older and have had to deal wtih depression at some point in their lives. How does one go about meeting people like that? Any suggestions?
K
Posted by alexandra_k on May 1, 2005, at 4:04:20
In reply to How to make new friends?, posted by KaraS on May 1, 2005, at 3:31:22
Have you checked to see whether there are any depression support groups in your area? That might be a good place to meet people your age who have had a history of depression.
I don't know really... I don't get out much myself either.
Posted by Dinah on May 1, 2005, at 9:02:32
In reply to How to make new friends?, posted by KaraS on May 1, 2005, at 3:31:22
If you don't work for a large corporation, finding friends can be awfully hard. But I think the boring old advice sounds most promising.
If you find something you're interested in, and do that, you're more likely to attract others than any other way.
A depression support group sounds good. But how about other hobbies. My mother met tons of people through my hobby of dogs. And she meets people through the garden society. Volunteering for a political campaign is such standard advice that the place might be swarming with people who are just as anxious to meet friends and/or mates as you are. If you're at all religious, church or synagogue is an unbelievable source. Because not only are you trying to reach out, but a whole community tries to reach you as well.
Once you get there, you have to reach out a bit. Cognitive therapy or a (blush) Dale Carnegie course might help there. Yes, my father was so embarassed with my lack of social skills that he sent me to Dale Carnegie when I joined him at work.
Posted by KaraS on May 1, 2005, at 13:38:52
In reply to Re: How to make new friends? » KaraS, posted by alexandra_k on May 1, 2005, at 4:04:20
> Have you checked to see whether there are any depression support groups in your area? That might be a good place to meet people your age who have had a history of depression.
>
> I don't know really... I don't get out much myself either.
Hi Alex,How do you think I should go about checking for depression support groups?
K
Posted by KaraS on May 1, 2005, at 13:45:21
In reply to Re: How to make new friends? » KaraS, posted by Dinah on May 1, 2005, at 9:02:32
> If you don't work for a large corporation, finding friends can be awfully hard. But I think the boring old advice sounds most promising.
>
> If you find something you're interested in, and do that, you're more likely to attract others than any other way.
>
> A depression support group sounds good. But how about other hobbies. My mother met tons of people through my hobby of dogs. And she meets people through the garden society. Volunteering for a political campaign is such standard advice that the place might be swarming with people who are just as anxious to meet friends and/or mates as you are. If you're at all religious, church or synagogue is an unbelievable source. Because not only are you trying to reach out, but a whole community tries to reach you as well.
>
> Once you get there, you have to reach out a bit. Cognitive therapy or a (blush) Dale Carnegie course might help there. Yes, my father was so embarassed with my lack of social skills that he sent me to Dale Carnegie when I joined him at work.
Hi Dinah,I think you're right that I need to get out more and join things. There are animal adoption programs I could volunteer for. Political things are also a good place to meet like minded people (and I wouldn't have as much need to rant on that here at the risk of getting blocked :-)) I could certainly benefit from more spiritual pursuits as well. I don't have the money for something like Dale Carnegie right now but I've heard really good things about the program. Do you think it helped you a lot?
K
Posted by Dinah on May 1, 2005, at 13:56:11
In reply to Re: How to make new friends? » Dinah, posted by KaraS on May 1, 2005, at 13:45:21
To be honest, I don't remember it very well, and probably didn't learn a thing. I just remember resenting my father for sending me such a negative message. :(
Posted by TamaraJ on May 1, 2005, at 14:00:58
In reply to How to make new friends?, posted by KaraS on May 1, 2005, at 3:31:22
Hi Kara!
As we get older, it does get more challenging to get out and meet people and make new friends. But, there are so many ways to meet new people, it's really just about getting out there and doing things that interest you. You could take a special interest course (a friend of mine has taken a couple of courses on upholstering furniture, and is trying to get me interested in going to the next course!), join a book club, a cycling club, even a walking club (exercise and friendship would be good). There is volunteer work where you would meet other volunteers, so you would be meeting people there who shared some of your interests. And, don't forget about getting out and getting to know your neighbors. That can be fun. And, it's nice to have friends in the neighborhood looking out for one and other.
Take care.
Tamara
p.s. Did you get moved? If so, how did it go? How are the cats doing?
Posted by KaraS on May 1, 2005, at 16:06:25
In reply to Re: How to make new friends? » KaraS, posted by Dinah on May 1, 2005, at 13:56:11
> To be honest, I don't remember it very well, and probably didn't learn a thing. I just remember resenting my father for sending me such a negative message. :(
I can imagine. It's one thing when you decide on your own to do it but it's totally different when someone else advises you to go there.
Posted by KaraS on May 1, 2005, at 16:21:38
In reply to Re: How to make new friends? » KaraS, posted by TamaraJ on May 1, 2005, at 14:00:58
> Hi Kara!
>
> As we get older, it does get more challenging to get out and meet people and make new friends. But, there are so many ways to meet new people, it's really just about getting out there and doing things that interest you. You could take a special interest course (a friend of mine has taken a couple of courses on upholstering furniture, and is trying to get me interested in going to the next course!), join a book club, a cycling club, even a walking club (exercise and friendship would be good). There is volunteer work where you would meet other volunteers, so you would be meeting people there who shared some of your interests. And, don't forget about getting out and getting to know your neighbors. That can be fun. And, it's nice to have friends in the neighborhood looking out for one and other.
>
> Take care.
>
> Tamara
>
> p.s. Did you get moved? If so, how did it go? How are the cats doing?Hi,
Thanks for your input. I have to push myself more and make myself do things. I'm sure it will be worth it eventually but giving myself the initial push has been hard. I would really like to join a support group to start with. I'll have to look into it more.
As for the move, it is now officially OFF. I agonized over this decision until I made myself so crazy. My stomach has been in knots. I was so worried about my cats and about giving up my autonomy. I like having control over my own life and making my own apartment decisions. I wouldn't have had any of that if I made the move. My friend is extremely inflexible and she thinks she's knows the best way to do everything. It was a disaster waiting to happen. We've already been fighting over things quite a bit and I hadn't even moved in yet. I still think that even if she didn't believe the experts' methods of integrating cats was the right way to do it, then just the fact that I was so concerned about it should have made her say that she'd be willing to try it. It's just too risky to throw them all in together and expect it to work out. I just couldn't subject my cats to that esp. given that one of her cats and her parrot are quite vicious.
I was really surprised at how well she took the news today (esp. since she lobbied so hard yesterday for me to go through with the move). But she was actually somewhat relieved herself today and was very sweet about it. I feel sooooo much better. It isn't going to end our friendship. She will often have jobs that are far from where she's moving to so I told her that she could stay over at my place as often as she wants to. I still need to figure something else out because this apartment is too expensive for me but for right now, staying was the best decision. I'm so glad I changed my mind before it was too late!
Thanks again for asking and for your continual support.
xxxxxooooo
Kara
Posted by TamaraJ on May 1, 2005, at 19:28:39
In reply to Re: How to make new friends? » TamaraJ, posted by KaraS on May 1, 2005, at 16:21:38
> Hi,
>
> Thanks for your input. I have to push myself more and make myself do things. I'm sure it will be worth it eventually but giving myself the initial push has been hard. I would really like to join a support group to start with. I'll have to look into it more.
>
~~ Yes, that initial push can be hard, but, it does get easier. A support group sounds like a good first step. A nice way to develop a network of friends and acquaintances who have been through similar experiences and who can empathize because they have been there. I hope you can find one in your area.> As for the move, it is now officially OFF. I agonized over this decision until I made myself so crazy. My stomach has been in knots. I was so worried about my cats and about giving up my autonomy. I like having control over my own life and making my own apartment decisions. I wouldn't have had any of that if I made the move. My friend is extremely inflexible and she thinks she's knows the best way to do everything. It was a disaster waiting to happen. We've already been fighting over things quite a bit and I hadn't even moved in yet. I still think that even if she didn't believe the experts' methods of integrating cats was the right way to do it, then just the fact that I was so concerned about it should have made her say that she'd be willing to try it. It's just too risky to throw them all in together and expect it to work out. I just couldn't subject my cats to that esp. given that one of her cats and her parrot are quite vicious.
>
~~ Sounds like you made the right decision for you. It can be hard sharing a place with a friend. It can be even harder living with a friend who is opinionated, inflexible and not always the most understanding. It would have been nice to save some money, but sacrificing peace of mind is not worth a few extra bucks in your pocket. BTW, your cats have a very good mommy :-)
>
> I was really surprised at how well she took the news today (esp. since she lobbied so hard yesterday for me to go through with the move). But she was actually somewhat relieved herself today and was very sweet about it. I feel sooooo much better. It isn't going to end our friendship. She will often have jobs that are far from where she's moving to so I told her that she could stay over at my place as often as she wants to. I still need to figure something else out because this apartment is too expensive for me but for right now, staying was the best decision. I'm so glad I changed my mind before it was too late!
>
~~ That is surprising how well she handled it! I know you had been worried about the consequences of not going through with the move. That is certainly a relief, and I am glad you are feeling much better. It is good that you didn't go through with it and find out a month from now that the arrangement was totally unbearable. We never know if it will work out or not until we try something, but sometimes we need to trust our instincts and the nagging little voice in our head that tells us something is a mistake. That was generous of you to offer her a place to stay when needed. I am glad that your decision did not affect your friendship.> Thanks again for asking and for your continual support.
>
~~ It is my pleasure always. You do the same for me, and for that I thank you as well.Take good care, and I will talk to you later.
Tamara
xoxoxox
Posted by alexandra_k on May 1, 2005, at 20:12:06
In reply to Re: How to make new friends? » alexandra_k, posted by KaraS on May 1, 2005, at 13:38:52
> Hi Alex,
> How do you think I should go about checking for depression support groups?Hmm. Well, in NZ I would suggest people contact community mental health services in their region and ask whether they know of any. Also to contact schizophrenia fellowship (which is about more than schizophrenia - it is about mental illness in general).
But I am guessing you are from the US.
So... Where to begin... Hospitals in the region? Ones with psych wards. They may know of outpatient support groups. With respect to community (outpatient) services I don't really know where you would look or who you would ask. By the sounds of it you don't really want group therapy, just a support group that is consumer run and hopefully more socially focused. I guess insurance companies wouldn't have any thing on that. And neither would private service providers. Do you have a citizens advice centre. Or community centre which collates info on groups that are available or anything like that?
I don't really know...
Anyone in the US have any ideas?
Posted by rainbowbrite on May 1, 2005, at 20:40:42
In reply to Re: How to make new friends? » alexandra_k, posted by KaraS on May 1, 2005, at 13:38:52
look up mental health associations in yellow pages. Also what Alex said about hospitals and support groups...they would be helpful I bet. Or even just randomly call a hospital psych ward and ask where to find support groups.
Good luck
Posted by KaraS on May 1, 2005, at 23:34:52
In reply to Re: How to make new friends? » KaraS, posted by alexandra_k on May 1, 2005, at 20:12:06
> > Hi Alex,
>
> > How do you think I should go about checking for depression support groups?
>
> Hmm. Well, in NZ I would suggest people contact community mental health services in their region and ask whether they know of any. Also to contact schizophrenia fellowship (which is about more than schizophrenia - it is about mental illness in general).
>
> But I am guessing you are from the US.
>
> So... Where to begin... Hospitals in the region? Ones with psych wards. They may know of outpatient support groups. With respect to community (outpatient) services I don't really know where you would look or who you would ask. By the sounds of it you don't really want group therapy, just a support group that is consumer run and hopefully more socially focused. I guess insurance companies wouldn't have any thing on that. And neither would private service providers. Do you have a citizens advice centre. Or community centre which collates info on groups that are available or anything like that?
>
> I don't really know...
> Anyone in the US have any ideas?
>
>I think I'm going to start by calling the local NAMI office. Maybe they have something or can point me in the right direction. Thanks for your help!
K
Posted by KaraS on May 1, 2005, at 23:56:05
In reply to Re: How to make new friends? » KaraS, posted by rainbowbrite on May 1, 2005, at 20:40:42
> look up mental health associations in yellow pages. Also what Alex said about hospitals and support groups...they would be helpful I bet. Or even just randomly call a hospital psych ward and ask where to find support groups.
>
> Good luck
Thanks. That's what I decided to do. I'll call the local NAMI office tomorrow and if they can't help, I found a website that lists other local mental health associations.K
Posted by KaraS on May 2, 2005, at 0:34:45
In reply to Re: How to make new friends? » KaraS, posted by TamaraJ on May 1, 2005, at 19:28:39
> > Hi,
> ~~ Sounds like you made the right decision for you. It can be hard sharing a place with a friend. It can be even harder living with a friend who is opinionated, inflexible and not always the most understanding. It would have been nice to save some money, but sacrificing peace of mind is not worth a few extra bucks in your pocket. BTW, your cats have a very good mommy :-)
Thanks. I look at my little darlings and I don't feel guilty or worried that I'm going to be subjecting them to danger. If anything had happened to them, I would feel so awful.
> ~~ That is surprising how well she handled it! I know you had been worried about the consequences of not going through with the move. That is certainly a relief, and I am glad you are feeling much better. It is good that you didn't go through with it and find out a month from now that the arrangement was totally unbearable. We never know if it will work out or not until we try something, but sometimes we need to trust our instincts and the nagging little voice in our head that tells us something is a mistake. That was generous of you to offer her a place to stay when needed. I am glad that your decision did not affect your friendship.
Yeah, it was a shocker. I think she had time to think about things Saturday night and she realized that I was probably going to say no and that it was for the best for both of us. I'm really glad that it isn't going to ruin the friendship. It definitely would have had I moved in with her.
Now on to the next crisis - figuring out whatelse or where else I'm going to do to lower my rental expenses. Oh well, one thing at a time I guess.
Thanks again.
K
Posted by alesta on May 10, 2005, at 11:36:50
In reply to How to make new friends?, posted by KaraS on May 1, 2005, at 3:31:22
hey kara:)
i just wanted to say hi girl:) i've missed ya!...i don't really have much to add to *this* particular topic, lol..i'm finding these tips very helpful also, as i've isolated myself as of late. it's nice to know that i have this post a reference to use if i decide to dehermitize, lol. so thank you. although i'm starting to think buddhism might be something to shoot for after all.:) never underestimate the power of your own company..:) (just gotta show the other side of this topic...in jest.:)) thanks for your recent support..it was nice hearing from ya. i love your aura about you..whatever that is...:)take care dear,:)
amy
Posted by KaraS on May 13, 2005, at 2:35:45
In reply to Re: How to make new friends? » KaraS, posted by alesta on May 10, 2005, at 11:36:50
> hey kara:)
> i just wanted to say hi girl:) i've missed ya!...i don't really have much to add to *this* particular topic, lol..i'm finding these tips very helpful also, as i've isolated myself as of late. it's nice to know that i have this post a reference to use if i decide to dehermitize, lol. so thank you. although i'm starting to think buddhism might be something to shoot for after all.:) never underestimate the power of your own company..:) (just gotta show the other side of this topic...in jest.:)) thanks for your recent support..it was nice hearing from ya. i love your aura about you..whatever that is...:)
>
> take care dear,:)
> amy
>
Thanks so much for your message. Even when you're feeling your worst you're so sweet and appreciative and you still somehow manage to post supportive messages to others. Babble is lucky to have you here.See u at the Buddhist monestary :-)
K
Posted by alesta on May 13, 2005, at 14:52:42
In reply to Re: How to make new friends? » alesta, posted by KaraS on May 13, 2005, at 2:35:45
This is the end of the thread.
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