Posted by jay on February 10, 2005, at 17:56:02
In reply to Re: Susan47 Jay, posted by sunny10 on February 10, 2005, at 11:20:02
> I just need to take a moment and caution both of you. No one can affect a change in someone else.
> (I realize that all I say here is self-learned and that I am not the same person as you, but I have also read this in numerous books and articles. Okay, disclaimer made, read on if you wish)
>
> Either of you can be the best, sweetest, kindest, most wonderful-in-every-way people, but if the other person is not able to let that in, all of your goodness will not make a difference in their lives and I'm afraid you might feel worse about yourselves.
>
> Sorry to sound like a wet blanket, but all of us need to be secure in ourselves.
>
> Jay, I'm not saying that you two cannot work on your issues separately, but as a couple. I have to say, I am a HUGE proponent of actually discussing this in detail as a couple. If the discussion doesn't work a relationship won't work. If the discussion does work, then you will know where you stand with her, and she with you.
>
> Best of luck,
> sunny10No...you aren't sounding like a wet blanket. I am starting to confront her on some of the issues..it just leaves me scratching my head when she tells me I am the "best thing that has happened to her"...and how "lucky (she) is to have found me". Then she pulled it again this morning "I don't know if I want to live", and I jumped right on that, and told her how horrible that makes me feel, that she couldn't even live for me or for her son. That put an end to that quickly, and I am glad, because used in this context, it's a manipulative thing. She still hasn't gotten it through her head that she needs meds and therapy, and blames the meds for "screwing up the past four years of (her) life." I just wanna throw my hands up in the air sometimes. I talk to her about a cd that I bought that I really liked (and a song that made me think of her...it was really nice...called 'Tuesday Morning' by Michelle Branch), and like she has about my past mention of other cd's, said she "does NOT like that type of music.", instead of being a bit more gentle and maybe open-minded.
So....oy oy...I don't know how this is all gonna play out..but this time I am going to make for sure I am not the one who gets hurt.
Thanks for listening..and for your thoughts...
Jay
poster:jay
thread:453999
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20050205/msgs/456019.html