Posted by jlynne on February 7, 2005, at 10:26:36
In reply to Please...I beg for help with girlfriend problem.., posted by jay on February 6, 2005, at 15:13:28
Jay, I am assuming that you have read my response to your post on the relationship board addressing the situation with your girlfriend. This is very serious territory, and will take unconditional love and commitment from both of you. Unconditional means "without conditions", i.e. no expectations about how the other reacts to your love.
Offering commitment and no judgments are what is necessary to create the safe environment I mentioned in my post. If you can learn to validate your girlfriend's emotions you can help her to diffuse their power. Validating is just acknowledging, nothing more.
A very important thing, in my own opinion, is to not join each other in the emotional pits; don't feed them. In other words, be there, but don't get pulled in. It seems to be the grounding of the one offering the support that enables the dialogue to remain healthy.
I'm sorry if I seem to be going on too long with this; it's just that I feel very strongly that what Ron and I have found can work for others, too. We are reading the book "Keeping the Love You Find" by Harville Hendrix, and he addresses these very issues quite dramatically. I highly recommend it to anyone contemplating a new relationship. There is also a book "Emotional Intelligence" that addresses the emotional highjacking that is so dangerous to us who are dealing with depression.
Good luck, Jay. This will not be easy.
. . . jlynne
poster:jlynne
thread:453999
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20050205/msgs/454280.html