Posted by jujube on November 13, 2004, at 16:47:37
In reply to Re: rattled ***HUGE TRIGGER*** jujube and » AdaGrace, posted by octopusprime on November 13, 2004, at 15:45:38
I'm sorry that you are struggling and having a hard time reconciling this. I don't think you can pretend that it never happened. Perhaps what you need to do before Monday, once you have calmed down a bit, is to call him (again) and as rationally as possible explain to him (again) how his words and actions affected you. You could further explain that, as a result, it will be difficult for you to remain friends with him outside of the workplace, but that you would like to try to remain on "friendly" terms in the office and for the sake of the office. I don't think it should be up to you to explain to your colleagues what happened, but if you choose to, couldn't you just explain that your priorities have changed somewhat and leave it at that?. I would think, however, that any person with any sense of compassion and sensitivity would react the same way you did. IMOH, whether a person has suffered from mental illness or not, his actions would have affected them in a negative and disturbing way. However, if you do end up having to tell others what happened, it may well affect how others treat him. Since you may be moving on, he would be left in an environment that is uncomfortable. So, maybe it's best to try to avoid getting others in the office involved. And, is it really the business of your colleagues what goes on in your personal life? I mean, yes he is a colleague, but you also had a friendship with him outside of the workplace. And, again only IMOH, our personal relationships and what goes on in our personal lives do not need to be disclosed to our office colleagues, unless we choose to do and are comfortable doing so.
I hope you find a way to deal with this situation that brings you comfort and peace of mind. Take good care.
Tamara
> thanks guys
> i don't know how i can pretend it didn't happen
> i am sitting here crying and have been for the last two hours
> i am just so disturbed - i know this guy well, we'd go out after work for beer, i met his wife, went to his house and birthday party, invited him for dinner
> i can't believe he did this to me
> i can tell that he regrets it but i'm just so upset
>
> it's a small office, twenty people, so others will notice that our relationship chilled overnight
> i dread having to explain it
> i dread having to face it
> nobody in the office knew of my mental illness and the stresses i've had to face
> and i'm afraid it's all going to come out now ...
poster:jujube
thread:415457
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20041105/msgs/415546.html