Posted by Pfinstegg on October 15, 2004, at 15:27:40
In reply to As usual my parents got quite a bit wrong, posted by Dinah on October 14, 2004, at 22:56:36
Dinah - I'm so sorry. It sounds as though your father may have both kidney and liver failure (liver failure is the one that causes abdominal distention), He can live quite a long time with these- it could be years, but it could also be more like months.
I lost both of my parents in the last eight years, and I am trying to think what things helped me and them the most, and what things didn't so much. I think the physical things- care - were the most draining and the least rewarding. Turning all of that over to home health care aides was a huge relief, as I didn't have to deal so much with their fear, resentment, balkiness, etc. I was more in a position to choose what our interactions woud be like, and I tried hard to make them positive. One of the best things was just sitting with them, and encouraging them to recall the happiest moments in their lives- and to share them withh me (I learned a number of things I'd never known). It seemed to help them be more peaceful to remember meaningful moments, and to have me acknowledge them. Then, when they were very ill, it helped to stroke their hair, faces and hands, and thank them for being my parents. They were pretty awful parents, but even so, there were things to love and appreciate about each one. I know you know all these things, and are already doing them, but I just wanted to post to say that I'm glad you are back here and in touch with us. If you hadn't been by today, I was going to put in a call for you. Things just aren't right when you're not here. Still, that's quite selfish, as you've got your parents, your own family, more therapy appointments than usual- and work to fit in somehow. Really glad you posted today, though.
poster:Pfinstegg
thread:400979
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20041010/msgs/403453.html