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Setting firm boundaries

Posted by Dinah on October 9, 2004, at 21:47:34

I feel absolutely awful enough, and was angry enough with my parents (ok, my mother's) behavior the past two days that I blew up and laid down the law.

The upshot is that they now have someone to come in a couple times a week to do housework, they got a new lower mattress for my dad, the flooring people are coming in monday. My father will get a "fallen and I can't get up" alarm. They are considering paying someone to come in a few times a week to do personal care. And I am not going to attempt to pick him up off the ground in the future. If my big strong army soldier brother can't do it without my help, it's unfair and unkind to expect me to do it alone. I will help them by doing what they really need whether or not they like it. Which means calling 911.

I found the city transportation for people in wheelchairs, and will sign them up. I'll give them the names of drugstores and grocery stores that deliver. I'll pick up stuff for them and deliver it in my once daily scheduled visit. But I will *not* drop everything and rush to the grocery store on a moments notice.

Emergency calls to me have to be actual emergencies. Not that they just *want* something done RIGHT NOW. She's already tested that one, and I was halfway to their house when I called and told them it wasn't anything that couldn't wait till my scheduled visit this evening.

Mixed results so far.

But when I get angry enough, I can apparently overcome my fear of them and do what needs to be done. My husband was so impressed (and a bit excited). The salespeople at the mattress store and flooring place were a bit intimidated.

But I can't maintain the anger, and as anticipated was incapacitated later. Migraine, overall awful feelings.

I'm not going to be able to do this long term, and I see no way out other than suicide or moving to another town and not leaving an address or phone number. And that won't work because my mother can track people down like a private detective. She's great at it. I'd have to change my name and social security number. So that only leaves one viable option.

She's busy imposing on neighbors, church members etc., being sure to tell them how her awful daughter won't help.

My mother does not post on this board, so I hope it's ok to say that I hate her with every fiber of my being. So much that my head wants to explode.

Daddy may scare and upset me, but I love him. But Mother - there is something seriously wrong with her. There really is.

 

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poster:Dinah thread:400979
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20041001/msgs/400979.html