Posted by B2chica on September 15, 2004, at 17:11:23
In reply to Re: attempt S.(od) experience **possible triggerin, posted by pegasus on September 15, 2004, at 12:46:13
THANKS for the great support ALL!
i am now feeling great, but angry. not intense, not psychotic not mood disordered d@mnit, just normal (expected) angry about that "place".i feel better than i have in a year-i wish it would last. i feel i'm the best advocate for myself right now and can Actually express what needs to be said. i know exactly what direction i want to see my tx go and what meds and dosages i want to try, i think my new pdoc will be great and listen to me.
I have my new pdoc who is the one that kept asking why i didn't call him-i only saw him once and he was-well i think he was so upset 1)cuz i didn't call him and 2)cuz he knew what that place was like...he knew... (it was my T that terminated me, it was in his office right after our session that i downed the pills). to be honest i think i scared the cr@p out of him. i still very much respect him and am sad that i lost him- he was very smart, articulate and helpful but with the wrong meds and confusion i wasn't able to give inorder to get back what i needed. it's now that i could really open up to him-TELL him i need to see more of him and if not then maybe i should look as something else, it is now that i can actually talk about my issues...it's ironic isn't it??
but i believe that everyone i meet is for a reason, even though short-he helped me understand the T process, he was funny, easygoing and we clicked-but i just needed something more. Also my T hooked me up with my new pdoc the friday before my attempt. So see, we met for a reason and just enough time for all the things that needed to happen to happen.and i know all that happened (od and other stuff) for a reason. i'm lucid and off all my meds and can clearly be reevaluated by new pdoc and T and express what I (I) want to see happen with my treatment. when i was all messed up i couldn't do that. i was snowballing introversion-worse and worse=frustration! eek!.
did i mention i think i was experiencing a mixed bipolar state at the time of attempt, i think pushed into effect by T's session.
all this i can now discuss with my new pdoc and get a new T that can maybe help me out.
I AM strong, i WILL NOT let this cr@p beat me...(i say with my cocky and strongwilled evil eye)now the next couple weeks will be tough in that i will almost need to be a strength for my parents (mostly "mother" cuz it's usually about her) and my husband, who although is a little better -is rightfully scared and unsure.
Time for the aggresssive educator in me to come out. But i need to be careful and balance that with me cuz i AM still weak and don't need that kind of stress.I just thank God i have this place that you'all understand what i'm saying. i know they just all want to help but them pushing their idea of what will "fix" me is not going to help. but what's great is i'm feeling myself right now and can be my normal blunt self and just say, i don't need your crap right now- i understand you're scared and want to help but don't push it.
i'm seeing my parents tonight for the first time since that night, but then i don't want to really see them again till next week.
i need support right now not questions or sad looks from them, not me feeling i need to explain or support them.You guys are AWESOME for understanding that.
although i'm peeking in again i'm not reading others posts...i'm afraid it might trigger something. but know i love all you'all and i am ALWAYS shoving out my good vibes and prayers (everyday) for my babble friends and anything they /YOU may be going through.Lots of Love.
B2c.
poster:B2chica
thread:390892
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20040914/msgs/391175.html