Posted by corafree on July 16, 2004, at 11:43:57
In reply to Re: Feeling calm as closer I get to suicide » Corafree, posted by Cass on July 16, 2004, at 1:47:45
I'm SO glad to hear from you! I wondered 'were you still here?' Yes, I awaken with so much pain, I feel like the tin man when I go to stand up out of bed. Besides the arthritis (Is yours osteo or rheumatoid?) and fibromyalgia; I have three extruded discs in my cervical spine due to an accident at the hands of my ex-husband. I gave a copy of my will to my daughter a few days ago. I dated it today, just because I like the number 17. She is my best friend, really only friend, after losing my father early this year. My PCP followed my second pain specialists prescription for Percocet x4 a day. I see him monthly and everytime it nears the end of an appt., he starts to walk away and I have to remind him that I need my Percocet scrip. He is now getting all in a 'huff' and talking about addiction. He wants me to see another pain specialist. Procedures haven't worked before, but I'll find another one. Also, I lost my psychiatrist, and the new one, took me way down in milligrams of my anxiety medication, Klonopin, also citing addiction. I don't drink or abuse my meds. I have been living alone here for eight years. I'm so tired, bored, lonely. I have had 'suicide attempts' in the past. My neighbors pretty much 'dis'miss me now, ignore me, as they saw me taken away on a stretcher. I need a KUDO so bad, I'm stagnating, becoming a burden on my daughter. I guess you could say I had a roller-coaster ride of a life until 2000 when I just started falling apart ... maybe 'burnt out.' It was then that I applied for SSD. After being awarded SSD, I tried to work PT. One place said my memory wasn't good enough. Another said I shook too much. Now, I know I cannot set myself up for another rejection. I wake early, maybe because of pain. Have just been up 3 hrs and will now go lie down (unfortunately don't fall asleep) and rest a bit. Tks for writing. You're today's inspiration for me. cf
poster:corafree
thread:14247
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20040706/msgs/366847.html