Posted by ghost on June 15, 2004, at 12:04:09
In reply to Re: just an angsty lonely rant (long) » ghost, posted by Angel Girl on June 15, 2004, at 4:04:31
in reality, i should be doing something like going and getting a rental truck in order to move my stuff this afternoon (the two people taking/buying my larger items agreed to pay for the truck and help move the stuff, too, so i really have little to do, but i sure do hate the whole process).
anyhow.
> The only thing that I can suggest to you is to change your ID if it makes you really uncomfortable. That way she wouldn't know who you are anymore. I'm sorry you find yourself in this situation.
i really don't want to change my name. i'm ghost... i've been ghost for years all over the internet (and irl in some cases, heh). so fine... she can read it if she wants. she's an ex. i doubt we'll ever get back together anyway. may as well assume she's just a stranger now like everyone else on babble?
i don't know.
> I think you are referring to BP II. That's what I am too. Are you on meds to help with your cycling? Maybe they need some adjusting now.maybe they do. i was dumb today though at the pdoc's and said i felt better. i guess i fear upping the dose (which is probably what would happen since i'm currently on a low dose of my mood stabilizer and it helps a LOT, but it's not perfect, so upping the dose might do the trick)... irrationally. i do feel better though. just not perfect.
> Your words sound so much like what I would say about myself, the only thing different is that I don't go back and forth on loving and hating myself. I hate myself all the time.
i'm sorry. i wish you didn't. i hardly know you and i like you already.
> I too, feel that I'm destined to be alone the rest of my life. Who is going to want to be with me, as screwed up as I am. Nobody wants to be with anybody who comes with so much baggage and lives in a different reality than everyone else. I screw up every relationship I ever have. It's my stupid actions that always does it. I don't know how to function in a *normal* world with *normal* relationships. I need lots of therapy before I'll ever get anywhere close to being *normal*.
i know what you mean... although i wonder if we'll ever truly be normal (or close to it) if it took us therapy to get there... that in and of itself makes us abnormal because "normal" people don't need therapy. catch 22.
it's weird you know exactly how i'm feeling. you echoed my feelings exactly.
> I hope you find your special someone who will accept you for who you are, faults and all. Remember nobody is perfect.
i hope you do, too. it's easy to hear that nobody is perfect but that doesn't stop me from holding myself to higher standards. (and then we could get into the pedastals i put everyone i'm with on... sigh.)
> I don't think you should take on the burden of guilt for what happened to that patient. I think you, like most depressed people, are so good at taking on the guilt for what is not our fault.that's a really good point. and well-said.
> I think you should try to give yourself a break and not be so hard on yourself. You're not a bad person. I've only seen your posts as of today and you seem like a very nice person to me. :D
awww. *hugs*
> Talk to your pdoc about your meds. I'm not that experienced with this stuff but with the right meds and dosages, shouldn't cycling be held at bay? I know mine are and have been for a year now. I don't experience the hypomania anymore, instead I'm left with only depression.
i think i would miss the mania. :/
(((((AG)))))thanks. i needed all that.
poster:ghost
thread:356774
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20040611/msgs/356901.html