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Re: just an angsty lonely rant (long) » ghost

Posted by Angel Girl on June 15, 2004, at 4:04:31

In reply to just an angsty lonely rant (long), posted by ghost on June 15, 2004, at 0:30:46

ghost

I feel compelled to reply to your post.

Firstly, I would feel the same if somebody I knew discovered that I frequent this board and knew my ID. I like the anonymousity and would panic should my family discover me here and be able to read my inner most thoughts. So, I can certainly understand your concerns with accidently linking to your xgf. The only thing that I can suggest to you is to change your ID if it makes you really uncomfortable. That way she wouldn't know who you are anymore. I'm sorry you find yourself in this situation.

I think you are referring to BP II. That's what I am too. Are you on meds to help with your cycling? Maybe they need some adjusting now.

Your words sound so much like what I would say about myself, the only thing different is that I don't go back and forth on loving and hating myself. I hate myself all the time.

I too, feel that I'm destined to be alone the rest of my life. Who is going to want to be with me, as screwed up as I am. Nobody wants to be with anybody who comes with so much baggage and lives in a different reality than everyone else. I screw up every relationship I ever have. It's my stupid actions that always does it. I don't know how to function in a *normal* world with *normal* relationships. I need lots of therapy before I'll ever get anywhere close to being *normal*.

<quote>

*what have i become, my sweetest friend? everyone i know goes away in the end.*

<end quote>

No truer words have ever been spoken. That one line is the story of my life. Everyone I come even remotely close to, goes away, either on their own because they can't handle me anymore or I pull back myself because I think it will be easier that way. It never is. The hurt is always the same, so another brick is put on the walls that I have built to surround me to protect me from the *normal* world.

I hope you find your special someone who will accept you for who you are, faults and all. Remember nobody is perfect.

I don't think you should take on the burden of guilt for what happened to that patient. I think you, like most depressed people, are so good at taking on the guilt for what is not our fault.

I think you should try to give yourself a break and not be so hard on yourself. You're not a bad person. I've only seen your posts as of today and you seem like a very nice person to me. :D

Talk to your pdoc about your meds. I'm not that experienced with this stuff but with the right meds and dosages, shouldn't cycling be held at bay? I know mine are and have been for a year now. I don't experience the hypomania anymore, instead I'm left with only depression.

Try to be kind to yourself. Sending you cyber hugs. (((((((((((((ghost))))))))))))

AG


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poster:Angel Girl thread:356774
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20040611/msgs/356802.html