Posted by fallsfall on May 4, 2004, at 9:46:42
In reply to Timely asking! » fallsfall, posted by Escher Dementian on May 4, 2004, at 8:56:19
Thank you all for your thoughts.
I work in a library, but it is tiny. It is hard to hide in the stacks! I do meet nice people at the library.
Octopus, the thought of moving is terrifying, but you are right real friends help you move.
Angela2, welcome to Babble.
I think that my fear is that even if I am in an activity with people that I will try to connect TOO deeply. That I don't know how to just *be* and have fun. That everything has to be serious and meaningful. I have always had a problem doing things just to enjoy them (when I ice skate, or play piano, I am alway "practicing", "working" on something - I don't know how to do something that doesn't have a future benefit). Even when I go to do something "fun" (like go bowling with my daughter), I am working on making sure it is "fun" and that she understands the physics of where to aim the ball and that both she and I "understand" bowling better at the end so we can *do* it BETTER. There has to be a goal or a purpose.
So, I need to learn how to have fun.
And I need to learn how to relate to people without worrying about their "issues" and how I can help them. I guess I am so used to the "therapy" mindset, where you are completely honest and open. I think I need to learn how to be an acquaintance.
It is such hard work to call people up who I sort-of-kind-of know. And figure out scheduling and what they would like to do and what I would like to do and how and when we can do it together.
I worry that if I try to do "fun" things with people who I have shared deep feelings with that I won't be able to stay "light". And if we do "try" to stay light, that I'll spend all my time worrying if I'm "staying light" correctly.
I think that I have to accept that it will be hard and uncomfortable for a while, but that I need to expend the effort. That the long term gains will be worth it.
Thank you all for helping me think this through.
poster:fallsfall
thread:342902
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20040430/msgs/343172.html