Posted by Ilene on April 25, 2004, at 18:02:14
In reply to Dear diary April 24, posted by Ilene on April 24, 2004, at 18:36:06
Things haven't gone so great today. I usually write in my "diary" after 10 p.m., and it's only about 6:20 p.m. right now. I'm trying to pull myself together and keep going. Maybe my improved mood was just temporary.
I sorted through some of my sewing things last night. It can be a hard task for me. I stepped into a fabric shop today. I was terrified that someone would say hello to me. (Someone did, but it wasn't so bad.) I haven't done any "real" sewing for quite a while. I feel like a sewing fraud. I have yards and yards of unsewn fabric and hundreds of patterns. (Luckily I spent only 99 cents for most of them.) I feel so embarrassed about this. Makes me realize what a hardcore perfectionist I am, and how I still see things in black/white terms.
Went to a Japanese koto concert with a former neighbor. (She's a born-again Christian, of all things. I am most definitely *not*.) There were two other women--one of her co-workers, and the coworker's mom, who is Japanese-American, and grew up in a town near where I used to live. Small world! Wish I had a chance to talk more with her. I enjoyed the concert, except for seeing myself in the restroom mirror.
I wonder if I can get plastic surgery for my double chin.
Called my husband when I got back home. Now he's anxious and depressed about having to move out of his sublet on June 1. He's worried about not having worked for three whole days. He's saying things like "better off dead". I hate it when he does this! I wish he would get a grip! My daughter says he's worse than I am. She says when I'm depressed I just hide in my room, but he talks about it. She's been telling him the same things I have--he should be seeing his therapist and/or his doctor.
Now I'm worried about my son, my daughter, and my husband. My daughter actually sounds the best of all of us.