Posted by Ilene on March 27, 2004, at 21:59:13
In reply to Dear diary March 26, posted by Ilene on March 26, 2004, at 21:08:26
Today was slightly better. I got to bed late last night--wasn't planning to, it just happened. I don't think I took any Klonopin, or if I did, it was just 1/2 pill. I slept until about 2 AM, then was awake for a while, then out until about 9 AM. A good 8 hours, hurray!
When I got dressed I noticed my ankles are breaking out in a rash. I'll have to call my internist on Monday about that.
A woman I met in the hospital was supposed to come over, and she did! She was late, but that was okay. I showed her Marsha Linehan's book on skills training for borderlines. She says her latest diagnosis is BPD. She looked a lot better than in the hospital, too, and she seemed more balanced. We went to a local thrift store. She collects ash trays, and I was trying to get prices for some of the clothes I donated last year. We found some nice ashtrays (they are expensive!) and a lovely box that looked Japanese. I got some prices, but I started to space out from my morning coffee. That hasn't happened in a while. I also got very tired. I hate my feet. Just hate 'em. They were bad even before they got swollen.
We went back to my house and she said she had to take some Ativan and go home. I was wondering if it was something I did. But we decided after she was done with her partial hospitalization program we would go to one of the local art museums. We both like Mark Rothko.
I feel a little strange because this woman is probably more than 20 years younger than I am. I feel like a case of arrested development.
Then a friend of my daughter's, who is going to visit her in about ten days, came over with her mom to give me her plane schedule and get my husband's phone number.
I spent most of the afternoon feeling tired. I'm working on ways not to feel bored, because then I feel defeated and sorry for myself, and start thinking about suicide. It's so easy.
I took my son to his soccer game. The poor kid needs a new pair of soccer shoes. I think I can get him a pair tomorrow.
He also needs new shorts (not soccer shorts, regular shorts). Kids are such an expensive hobby.
Made frozen food for dinner, but did some picking up and filing. Got my son to put away his clean clothes. Changed my daughter's sheets because I expect a houseguest next week. I feel guilty because I'm so tired all the time--not such a good host--and my house is so messy.
I did a little sewing. I'd do more, but I want to go to bed at a reasonable time.
The gray cat is shedding on me, and snagging my pants, and purring, and telling me that he loves me.