Posted by fallsfall on March 25, 2004, at 8:10:25
In reply to Re: Desicions, posted by geri122 on March 24, 2004, at 18:15:52
I'm glad you posted again.
Alcohol can certain make it seem like the problems just go away. I think that you are very smart to realize that it doesn't really do that - that it really makes things worse. I'm so glad you could figure this out in 3 months. Lots of people take a lifetime to understand that.
A term that people use for this is "self-medicating". You were using Alcohol as a medicine to dull your pain, and you were "prescribing" it for yourself. This is such a common thing. Don't be mad that you did it, given how much pain you have been in, it is really quite understandable. But do recognize that for you to go to that extreme must mean that you really do have some situations that you feel are out of control. Recognizing that is important.
I remember that you had a favorite teacher (was it you English teacher from a previous year? my memory is terrible...). Could you think about talking to her? You can tell her that you need to talk to someone, but that you have to ask her to promise not to tell anyone what you say. She can keep that promise as long as you aren't about to kill yourself. It doesn't sound like you are ready to do that, are you? Or talk to the Guidance Counselor you mentioned.
You can start slowly - start with the situation with your friends and your sister, maybe. That you feel like they are all deserting you. Maybe that topic won't feel too scary. If she asks why you think they are doing this, you can say that you aren't quite comfortable talking about the reasons quite yet. What you need right now is for someone (some real, live, flesh and blood person) to know and understand that you are hurting. You don't have to talk about the alcohol, or the depression, or your parents. Just let someone know that you are hurting and need some support. It may be a very short conversation, and they may only be able to say "Gee, Geri, I can tell that you are really upset by this. I wish that life wasn't so hard for you. I can't really help you right now, because I don't know what is going on. But I am sorry that you are in such a bad position right now. If you decide that you want to tell me more later, I would be happy to listen."
I wish that I was your teacher or Guidance Counselor so that I could say that to you.